Unfortunately still alive. Yesterday one of my best friends from high school basically said she was going to kill herself. Seemingly she has it all. Born into money, comfortable, normal life that I’ll never have. She wouldn’t answer as to why.
And after all the pain, I still find myself loving the guy I fell for May 1st, the day we met. I know he’ll never give me a chance. He’s so stuck on looks and ‘proving himself’ to the world. I wish he could see it from a different perspective. One where he could realize he has someone who has given him so much, would never turn their back on him, and wants to spend their life worshipping him. I wish I could simply say I love you once in a while to him. I could spend my life softly kissing every inch of him head to toe. I wish I could know what having someone is like. I’ve never had a real realtionship.
And I’m fed up with being homeless. Im too old and in bad health for this. I’m scared of my legs getting amputated because I don’t get to lay down ever to let the swelling go down. I have a pre existing injury to my right leg that I drove myself to the hospital gushing blood but because Im poor they sent me away without treatment and said you’ll be ok. So I’ve had this big red swollen part where the skin was punctured since they didn’t do shit for me ever since. And wi th my legs swelling on top of it, it makes it so bad it looks like it’s going to rip open. I need to fucking lay down every night and I’d be fine if I could but I’m going to be homeless forever!!!! There’s no help in this god damn world AT ALL! Too old for social services and too ugly to be taken as a roommate!!!