Pills or ocean

I know how this may be like every cliche sad story. Girl and boy date for a long time, girl beaks up with boy, boy then becomes depressed. I used to not understand how people could become so deepened in depression all because they get dumped. This all changed this past few months.

I dated a girl, let’s call her Amy, for over three years. As it has it, we had actual chemistry together as that’s how we met in college. It was a true love at first sight. Amy and I in the later years planned everything for our dream wedding and confessed to me if I were to propose, she’d immediately say yes.

We broke up because I worked late and never had a chance to see her. This is when all hell broke loose. I lost twenty pounds do to lack of sleep and no eating in two months. I lost my job because I was always depressed. I lost my car because I didn’t have a job. I dropped out of school because I kept missing class. And to put the cherry on everything, my mom recently passed.

I hurt every day. Everything I eat I throw up. I’m emotionless and in pain all the time. I think about suicide non stop and the best way to do it. Because I don’t want to leave my family behind, I haven’t done it but the urge is on the tipping point.

All I can think to myself, should I OD or drown in the ocean where no one would have to worry about me nor find me?