Burn It All
Went to a live concert last night. Pretty good show. The frontman really knows how to put on a show. Not bad at all. When I get to that point I’m going to blow people away. See, when I go to shows it’s selfish. I go only so that I can visualize myself on the same stage seeing myself doing the same things better. Seeing what things I like regarding lighting and acoustics and even the performance. I pick up what I need and leave the rest. I obviously enjoy the show as well. Met a guy last night who is genuinely cool and turns out we went to the same highschool. I’ve met him before but not in highschool because he’s a few years older but it’s funny we went to the same stoner school. He has a legal Peyote dealer and told me about LSDs natural counterpart LSA. He used to grow shrooms for a while. This guy is just the guy I’m looking for to lead me through an Ayahuasca ceremony. It’s been years in the making but I’m almost ready. Almost.
Learned about Ayahuasca back in 2012 and I think a quick glance back in ’09. It’s all been building to this time. It is a very spiritual/emotional journey. A psychedelic journey. Fuck yeah. Fuckin’ stoked.
Black and white panda thinking still plagues me. It’s going to be a life process of seeing the world through a grey lense. All or nothing extremist thinking is a disease that needs to die. It holds us so far back.
My twin allegedly entered my body when she died in the womb. It makes sense. Tough to reconcile because I always thought my twin was a boy. A girl would kinda make sense though. I wonder what their name is regardless and if it is a girl I’m so fuckin’ angry. This torture journey has been so long and drawn out. The yayo drilled a hole into my rock hard soul back in the day and unleashed this new cycle of bleeding out the black tar i’d become from the sexual, emotional and daily verbal abuse. The mother who sexually confused me. The family who rejected this indigo child. This crystal child sent here to enlighten the world.
The family that left me desolate. The world that took me for granted. The peers that bullied my unique differences and labeled me hateful words. I used to fight my innocent and sensitive heart. I am beginning to embrace it. I am so sensitive and I feel the world aching in my heart for reprieve from this madness. From this prison system.
Friends abandoned and betrayed me. Family tore me apart. My only comrades are the invisible forces that have kept me alive until this moment and even then it’s hard to trust them. I don’t really. I will change the world. And I ain’t talkin’ helping one person. I’m talking I see millions of people in fields hearing me speak and teach. I’m going to tear this world a new asshole. Rip apart this political and psychiatric system one confrontation at a time. It’s time.
It’s the impossibility of it all that worries me. The practical how. I know the universe will manifest my soul mission one step at a time. What a fucked up life.
2 comments
I’ve heard good things about Ayahuasca.
Someone I know went to the Amazon rainforest a few years ago and participated in an Ayahuasca ceremony. She says it was gnarly. She tripped out pretty hard, had intense hallucinations. Seems pretty fun.
Ha yeah, I’ve talked to a bunch of people and they all say it’s damn interesting and they came out different. Psychedelics are the key to mental growth and advancement. I’d love to do it in the amazonaus though. One day.