She led me to this…

I won’t bore you with a backstory. But it’s not good – abuse, death etc. etc. Back in November I fell in love with this girl. I’d been in long and serious relationships before but this was a very different feeling. After things went, for want of a better word, tits up I gave up on the idea. When I found out it wouldn’t work I got severely depressed. It also sparked OCD, insomnia and anxiety. I felt a little better one day and developed a relationship with someone else however my feelings for her faded and the feelings for the first girl came back stronger than ever. A little after Christmas things got a lot worse: I felt even worse, I relapsed into bad habits (drugs, alcohol, smoking and self harm) and seriously considered suicide. Then I stopped attending school entirely because I couldn’t handle seeing the girl I cared for as well as not having any energy. I completely ceased going out and needless to say I was in an extremely bad state. Complications made me get even worse and, despite therapy and meds, now I’m here in my bedroom with a large tank of helium trying not to do it. I don’t blame her, I just hate how this small incident caused everything to be felt all at once. I’m tired of this and just want to leave here.