I dont have any fight left in me. Im 30, I was married for 11 years. My divorce should be finalized next month.
He left me for someone else. He told our daughter shes her new stepmom. I never wanted kids yet I have three and a baby on the way.
My husband controlled my life. I wasnt allowed to work or go to college, for a long time I wasnt even allowed to drive.
Last year when he asked for a divorce I joined a dating website and met a man. I fell in love, I never loved my husband this way. This man turned out to be married but I didnt care. Hes a college professor tall, handsome, and the most interesting person i ever met.
Im 18 weeks pregnant with this man’s baby. He finally left me Friday after using me the last 9 months for weed. Half the time we were together he didnt want to have sex. He never hugged or kissed me and he ignored the fact I was pregnant. I am beyond in love with him despite how cold he has been. He called me pathetic, desperate, selfish, bratty, and told me I embarass myself.
My parents are furious at me for not having an abortion. They constantly tell me Im a terrible mother. Yesterday my mother called the baby Im pregnant with a “bastard” and this morning my Dad called me a “piece of shit” and said my kids are better off in foster care.
Im going to lose my apartment because I have no money, I lost my divorce lawyer because I have no money, and no one in my life loves me. My kids are miserable, the baby Im pregnant with is fucked, and my heart is just shattered beyond repair.
Everyone Ive ever cared about has used me then left me. I cant live my life anymore, its too hard.
I didnt expect this married man to stay with me but I had this grand illusion he’d love me back or step up to the plate and be there for me. The thought of delivering a baby without him by my side or without even my mom and well, I have ZERO friends… I cant do this alone. I cant deliver this baby alone amd I cant raise this baby and my other 3 kids alone. Theyre all better off with other people, Im fucking toxic trash.
1 comment
You definitely have some challenges to face and overcome, but I urge you not to give up until you’ve knocked on (down?) the door of every social service agency and support group available in your area. I’m sure there are resources out there for those in similar situations. At the very least, they should be able to point you in the right direction.
And having made choices in the past (present, future…) that are not always the best and most helpful does NOT make you ‘trash’, it makes you human.