For as long as I can remember I have had to deal with the vindictive game my mom likes to play, I’m not talking about the casual fighting, I’m talking about an actual goal to ruin my dad, my brother and my life. It’s countless years of verbal abuse even though I have tried so hard to be a good student and kid. I clean the house constantly, cook for my family, have a job and maintain a 4.0 average, I do this all to alleviate the amount of stress my mom already puts on my dad. I am now a senior in high school, which is suppose to be one of the happiest years of my life, and sadly I don’t even know how it feels like to be happy anymore. About a year ago my mom stole all the money out of my dads savings account that he saved to put my brother and I through college and she gambled it all away in a week. It’s was 150,000 dollars. She didn’t stop there, she didn’t care she just took all of our family’s money, but she blamed it on my dad claiming it was his fault for not doing what she wanted. She continued to take away money, including the money I saved up in my own bank account. We don’t have anymore money and my dad can’t divorce her because her would have to pay alimony and that’s money we don’t have because she gambled it all away.
The years of torture doesn’t stop there but it gives you a general idea of why I feel like I can’t escape. I have attempted suicide before by hanging but my brother saved me, that was a year ago. I’m a senior in high school now and I have no money for college and I am not eligible for financial aid. I don’t see a future for me, I am broken and have reached my breaking point. I really do think it’s over for me.
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Not being able to go to college is not the end of the world, but i do understand why you feel like that, since your mom is seriously out of control. I don’t really know how your dad deals with all of this but i assume it has to be really taxing on him as well (i hope he doesn’t take it out on any of you).
Even if you try to do your best (and i do congratulate you for that, not many would go through those extents) it’s not only you the one that should be compensating for your mom’s behavior, the one that should really do something about it is your dad, otherwise all the burden falls on you. The other thing is that by just compensating and not doing something to actually stop her behavior you are enabling her to do whatever she wants (and most likely she’ll continue doing so while you let her).
I know that it’s not our responsibility, but if you hadn’t, you should really try to have a long talk with your dad in order to do something about your mom, either by going into a professional or by trying to at least talk some sense out of her. You shouldn’t have to pay for her mistakes, specially not with your life.
I do hope that your situation improves, and again, there are always alternatives if you can’t go to college. There are also many alternatives that can get you in college even if you can’t afford it, so don’t give up on that one.
First off I would like to thank you for taking time out of your day to give me insight on my situation.
As for my dad he is too scared to do anything because he knows and we all know that she is capable of doing horrible things. I have talked to him about getting stuff done and he always tells me that things are going to be ok. It’s been years now and it’s getting worst and I’ve reached my breaking point. I won’t lie, I have lost myself in the last couple of days where I have expressed my pain through anger. Just today I grabbed all of her stuff and put them into bags and put them on the front porch while she was at the casino. I warned her if she decides to continue her game that I would exceed what she was capable of doing because I have lost my mind and will no longer handle this anymore. I have done things the last couple of days I’m not proud of and will not talk of. Even though I kicked her out today, she has broken me, and I don’t know if I can even get myself back.
As for college, my dad planned on using her retirement fund or taking out a second mortgage on the house. I don’t want to be responsible or carry the guilt of making my dad put off retirement. I couldn’t live with myself.
All in all, after years of torment I am 100% broken. I don’t recognize myself and I don’t know if I have anymore left in me to keep going.
Caught this just before going to sleep, so i’m sorry for the many grammar mistakes that my sleepiness will cause.
The thing with the situation with your mom is that something has to give eventually. I get that your dad is scared (i’d be too in that situation), but he should do something about it, because what you mention is a serious gambling problem that should be treated by a professional (not to mention what it’s doing to all of you). If it isn’t stopped who knows what else your mom is going to try to gamble away.
You don’t have to blame yourself for the things you’ve done the last few days (and don’t worry about mentioning them), because hey, you have every right to be upset about the situation (specially if you’ve been working hard on compensating). The fact that you are reacting to it could pretty much mean that you’re still there tho (even if you don’t recognize yourself anymore). The fact that you still care about your dad’s situation is even more proof of that.
One thing has to be said about your college situation tho, you could always pay back that money to your dad for retirement eventually (even if it takes a couple of extra years). The fact that you’d spend it on college prevents that your mom uses it up for gambling too, so it might not be a bad thing. Only you can decide if you want to keep going or not, and i do know it’s difficult when you have no more will to do so, but (even if my opinion isn’t worth much) i do think you can pull through if you really want to.
We have gotten my mom help, spent a lot of money that we don’t have on trying to help her, we gave her so many chances and nothing has changed.
You’re right though, maybe I am still here, and that means a lot to me, it really does. Thank you for pointing that out.
As for my will to keep going, I haven’t decided, I’m just so tired and drained from having to come home from school and work to the madness that is my mom. I’m just tired.
You’re opinion does mean something to me because I haven’t talked about this with any of my friends, I am a pretty private person so you’re opinion is the only opinion, and thank you for that. Thank you for listening and caring enough to help, it reminds me there are still people out there that actually care about others rather than themselves, thank you for making this selfish world look a little better.