It doesn’t get better

I agree, life doesn’t seem to get better. Life just presses on, much like a steamroller over freshly laid asphalt or freshly graded gravel. The steamroller, is civilization, cultures, societies, and our circles of friends/family. Life is a set of abject scenarios which leave us feeling miserable, humiliated, or quite possibly, happy.

That being said, the one thing I have come to terms with, regarding therapy, is: HONESTY is key. I, personally, think that those that find it difficult to be honest with others, find it difficult to be honest with themselves. Whenever I meet with a new therapist, I tell them upfront, I need a surgical extraction of whatever is ailing me, so I am not there to pad their checking account, I don’t care to sit on their sofa indefinitely, and that I need honesty, so do not waste my time or yours (the therapist). If I honestly assess who I am, then I can aid in determining what is the matter with me much sooner.

Feeling disdain for your mother, albeit, it seems quite natural with the most recent generations, might be more animosity you hold inside than what would be necessary. You being the offspring of your mother, means, you could at any point yourself (with a partner, of course) accidentally present the world with your spawn. You would have a choice if an embryo were to emerge from said accident, to abort or to carry to term. If carried to term, would you keep it as your own, or would you adopt out? I think it is a tad unfair to judge your mother so hastily, as she may not have had the same philosophical outlook you currently hold, during those times. Now many pregnant women, at least from my observation, are absolutely elated to have a child spring from their womb. I do not know the dynamics of your relationship with your mother, so, I cannot gauge how deep the vitriol goes. The fact that you even posted on this forum, there is a measly chance that it will have spawned such a deep set if responses, that you could singlehandedly have done someone a huge favor by articulating exactly how they felt.

As for the stigma of suicide, I believe those that can’t fathom what it is like to have our heads so deep in it’s mire are the only ones that rule it out as acceptable. Remember what I just said about honesty, well, these people do not know how to honestly assess the feelings that is thrown into our heads when shit hits the proverbial fan. Christians make a huge racket about it, until they themselves become survivors of such an act, much like their terribly strong backbones against homosexuality, until they find out there is a family member who indulges. People with huge egos, like Donald Trump, for example (just used as a prominent figure in the media, not as a jab against the guy, whom I don’t know), probably can’t conceptualize the depth and breadth of the thoughts we deal with, because they are so focused on themselves. I think that most people who suffer from suicidal thoughts, think quite gravely, (excuse the pun) about those they are leaving behind. By no means, am I suggesting that there is no selfishness in the act, because we are taking something that other’s take for granted, away from them, namely our lives. They will no longer be able to count on us, if we are successful.

To your point about veterinarians, yes we can get assistance for animals, which do not have the same value of life as humans do and do not gain the same benefits of laws, as we do. A family pet, holds intrinsic value. We wouldn’t wish to see our pet suffering, and we have the option to end it’s suffering. There are a few states in the USA that do allow for Dr. assisted suicides. The big but though is closely tied with a terminal disease and certain laws stating you must be a resident of the state of which you seek the assistance for so long. If you are already healthy, unless you plan on mixing some asbestos with your cheerios in the morning, I can’t see much of an option in you convincing a Dr. to help you pull the plug. If there was that option, think of the investigations that go along with people in chatrooms who say they are going to kill themselves, and the inhabitants of the chatrooms egging them on (with the option of webcams possibly viable to sate their bloodthirst). If too many people had the option to kill themselves, the cops wouldn’t be able to solve any other crimes against humanity, they would be too busy trying to figure out if some asshole taunted the newest victim(s) into ending their lives.

All my point is: be wary of whom your bitterness is targeted against, be cautious of easy suicides, and be diligent in learning to be honest with yourself, first and foremost. Please the wordiness of this post. Stephen King and I have one thing in common, we both know how to write novellas, hunh?

microcosm