I thought I had posted this last night but don’t see it. I don’t really understand all the SEO stuff but I checked them all. It seems like the most secure thing to do.
Anyway, all I can think of is ending my life here and planning it in terms of finding a few pets other homes, etc. I am older so it’s not like I have “my whole life ahead of me”. Depression/dysthymia with a few major episodes, nervous breakdowns, excruciating pain then surgeries then more excruciating pain, pain meds addiction. Finally managed to get out of pain and thru several Dr.s and bad doctoring am left with a movement disorder induced by medicine called akathisia which means i’m unable to sit still. I can’t sleep without heavy medication. Needless to say, I’m a total failure at several career attempts.
I have tried to get help through alternative healing but can’t afford to keep spending money. at least I have the pills to take when it’s time.
My siblings all have their nice lives and I’m the only one with major depressive disorder. I have a really insensitive older sibling. she know how bad off I am. I even told her about my disorder. She has a really lovely life and seems not to care about rubbing my face in it or rather letting me know happy she is, She is living a life I dream of and she knows it. I was trying to tell her maybe I have found hope when our call dropped and she never answered her phone or called back. Later she said she had arrived home and got distracted. That really stung so I have no more contact with her. I answered an email question she sent but I won’t even do that anymore.
Also, I’m never called for family get togethers with the other siblings. I find out after the fact. Not much love here.
I’m sooooo…… ready to leave.
it’s almost seems like if you are in constant excruciating pain either physical, mental or emotional without any hope that it would be a sin not to leave and put yourself out of misery.
can’t wait to go.
1 comment
I don’t have many words to say after reading your post, because i relate a lot to what you wrote regarding being played by doctors and family issues. Even if my physical situation hasn’t got to the point that yours have, i can relate to the frustration you get from going from one treatment to another, only to have little results (and more issues created by the same treatment). You end up watching how you deteriorate more and more, going from one “educated guess to another”, and that process is one of the most frustrating things i’ve had to live in all my years (and i’m sorry to hear you’ve gone through it too).
Sadly, family is family… we don’t get to choose them and they are just what they are, and i know all to well that feeling of being teased by their happiness, and funnily in my case the one that teases me is partially responsible for some of the worst things that have happened to me. I don’t resent her (at this point i just think she doesn’t know any better), but still, keeping distance is the only thing that i think can be done in situations like that (if the other person won’t budge or care, like it seems to be your case).
Other than saying that i do get how you feel (and i’m pretty sure many in here get it too), i can only say that i hope that whatever you end up doing, you find peace and rest from all the awful situations you’ve had to endure, and kudos for hanging on through so much.