Just that moment when you realize that you’ll never make it.
I’ve tried to move forward, socialized, made friends, set goals. And I’ve just discovered that no matter how badly I try, I won’t get there. I won’t finish in the top university, I won’t get into shape, I won’t be beautiful. This never actually would bother me, but I think that I’m envious of my friends dating – just knowing that no girl or guy would ever look at me and thing ‘that’s somebody I could love’.
I know I’ve felt like the world was ending before. But I feel like my whole life has been built up like genga (if that’s how you spell it), and its iust beginning to sway, and you know that if you move in the slightest way, everything will come crashing down. I know I can alwayd try to rebuild my life, but honestly I can’t remember how to set the foundation,some of the bricks are missing. Some of the bricks in my mind are starting to fold on themselves. I just have no energy to keep up this facade.
I guess I’ve been looking for answers to how you go out with dignity that way. Not because I’m planning at the moment, but just in case. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. Just why the hell.
1 comment
I can remember to aspects of your post. I too have tried aspects of which you have shared. I grew up in isolation and making the efforts to change are daunting; I too believe at this point that the things required of me are too great of a task.
Have you considered reading The Peaceful Pill? Do a Google search for it. The book, it will allow for an understanding of your options and allow for a calculated exit should you wish. I encourage you to keep persisting but I also understand exhaustion and fatigue.