What’s the f@cking point?

I wanted to kill myself from puberty onwards. I am now in my 40s. I tried to kill myself 4 times before the age of 20. My life has always been sh*t and I wish my first suicide attempt had succeeded. “A permanent solution to a temporary problem”? I don’t think so. If you have poor mental health it is unlikely to ever get that much better. It will always be there.  Plus where I live the government has reduced mental health services due to austerity, as well as benefits for people with mh problems. So I can just survive on the money I get, not live. No relationship, holidays, days out, treats, whatever. I have malnutrition because I can’t afford to eat properly and that just makes my depression worse. I can’t work too many hours because I get so tired and anxious, so I will always be on the breadline and the government keep cutting support. I really don’t see the f*cking point.  The planet is too crowded anyway, suicide should be encouraged. The government should offer cyanide pills: if they aren’t prepared to help people live, they should help people die.