Tonight is going to be hard. I stayed the past two nights at my moms best friends house who is considered my “Aunt” so I call her my aunt and her brother and sister in law came over for the first time in years along with both their sons. Me and her nephew, Brandon used to have a this thing together not a relationship but just a closeness and I haven’t seen him in 3 years. I had 24 hour with him and those 24 hours are going to effect me for the rest of the week and maybe even more. He is the first guy to physically make me feel loved it’s not even sexually it’s just lovingly. To be able to lay my head on his chest and feel his hand in mine. To have someone to kiss my head and look at me like I mean something. I have never had that until him and now that I’m older and understand the connection between us it hurts. I had one day with him and now I don’t know when the next time I’ll see him is since he lives so far away and of course isn’t even apart of me or my familys life. Tonight I feel empty. I just wanted to be able to feel loved and to be able to wanted and now that’s gone.