It’s not something as dramatic as suicide but I want your help.
The last three years, I have been in a very weird phase of my life. When I go outside , alone, I feel that people are thinking bad things of me and I feel that there is a big cloud over my head and they can see whatever I have on my mind. I am overweight and I eat unhealthy food with big ammounts on my plate. It’s not like I am a glutton but it’s like I force myself to eat it. I have never had a real friend. Noone that I could rely on and tell all my secrets. I am laying on a couch at a dark room almost all day and I am on the Internet. I have three people that might be considered as friends but we are not that close. I was a very energetic person but now I don’t like being outside. I have found my place of comfort in this dark room. I am an insecure person and very sensitive too. I wonder what I will do with my life and all I see is an abyss waiting for me to come. Also, I have never had a girlfriend and I rarely talk to girls. I am anxious when I am near them and I think there are two reasons behind this. 1) I don’t have experience with girls so I don’t know how they behave and what they expect. 2) I have no self-confidence. Also, I think I am sexually frustrated.
That was what I wanted to type and please reply.
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7 comments
I feel your struggles, you remind me how i used to be… Anyway try thinking positively, ignore other people’s words and try fighting your fears. I’m sure that eventually you’ll be more confident. 🙂
Try meditating, I think it could really help you.
I used to think that everybody was looking at me and thinking bad things about me too… but truth is that probably nobody is looking at you and if they are, just let them. I know it’s very hard to ignore people’s opinions, even strangers, when you are insecure and sensitive, but we have to do that to save our own sanity. If we cared too much and all the time about what strangers think and what are their opinions our existence would be even worse.
I can relate to some things you said; my self confidence is really low too, but I decided to fake being very confident in hopes that my mindset would change… And well, it hasn’t really changed yet, but I’m still trying. Also, food… How much I love/hate food. I love/hate it so much that I stop eating to punish myself and/or overeat whenever I’m happy or whenever I’m sad (read: I don’t miss an opportunity to eat a whole cake).
Bleh… I know I said a lot but didn’t really say anything useful to you… Hopefully you’ll at least know that you’re not alone.
I can relate to quite a lot of that, and other parts I remember from the past. I think it’s important to work on some of those things, which I did with some (like issues with weight/eating), but not others, and I wish I had years ago now. The weight/eating issues (being overweight and lots of unhealthy binge/comfort eating) are pretty much gone (except for very occasionally eating a bit too much when I feel really anxious, but it rarely happens) when they used to cause me so many worries and so much embarrassment daily. You don’t need to face all your fears or problems at once, but making any small step to overcoming something is great. There are things you can learn online, like techniques to lessen anxiety, meditation etc. And I’m here if you want to talk. I think a lot of people here have been through or are going through some of the same issues, so you’re not alone.
I think you are using food to comfort, cope, and distract yourself with a deeper issue at stake here; you need a healthier alternative or you need something better to replace it and you need to get to the heart of why you are doing that.
I’ve said this to others before: Don’t be afraid to fail. I got entangled with a female sociopath and came out with a lot of scars, but dang, I learned a lot!
You should get a good exercise, diet and life plan going. Don’t know where to start? Just start somewhere.
Here’s something I’d do: Three days a week, jump rope continuously for one session of 3 minutes each (and I am not the wuss type to quit early — I make myself go all the way). Then I’d grow from there (longer times), mixing it up with football drills, etc.
Get your doctor’s permission to start a physical exercise program and do some extensive research on that topic. Don’t be lazy, don’t be a wuss.
Don’t keep yourself locked inside, enough sun is good for your body. Start making friends, because if you isolate yourself too much, you will likely go into psychosis, because humans are social creatures and have to be emotionally connected with the rest of the living, as well, to live well. Try getting some high achieving people around you, believe me, they WILL rub off on you.
1. Women can be complicated; they can keep us guessing. (My opinion! don’t throw all the hate mail at me now!) There are books and books out there on women, but you just have to get out there yourself. Don’t be afraid, you’ll never get anywhere if you always let fear hold you back. And as they say, it’s not so much about finding the right person but being the right one.
2. You may have no self confidence because you have nothing to be confident about or in. Work on yourself, get an awesome life plan going and get going on some lofty goals and don’t wuss out easy.
I feel like you on so many levels, only I’m a girl. I’m so afraid to do anything in the public eye. I feel so embarrassed of myself all the time. I feel like everyone is looking at me and I just want to hide. I’ve gained like 80 pounds in a year. I used to weigh 130, but now I’m over 200, which makes it harder to go outside and keep attention away from yourself. And the bigger you get, the more it feels like people are watching you and judging you. I know how you feel about the eating. Sometimes I get too much food and I get full before it’s gone, but I still finish it because that’s how I was raised. I’ve trained my stomach to over-eat and now when I don’t over-eat I feel like I’m starving. It’s an awful feeling. 🙁
My advice is to just have a dead stare in public. Look past everyone you think is looking at you. Learn to not care of what people think even if they are looking at you, or just assume they’re checking you out. Also, about the eating, you can train your body to eat platefuls of food, so you can train it to eat smaller plates of food. Instead of running to food as a comfort thing or a distraction, find something else to take its place. Instead of going to the fridge for comfort, come here. Everyone would gladly help you and not judge. Or even just read some other peoples’ posts to keep yourself distracted.
About the girl thing, everyone starts out inexperienced. And if someone makes you feel bad about your inexperience when you get the courage to make a move, you don’t want that person in your life anyway. If they aren’t understanding and they’re judgmental now, they always will be. Find someone who remembers or knows what it’s like to be nervous and inexperienced. And honestly, no one knows what girls want. Girls don’t even know what they want, don’t feel bad.
I hope this helps, and if not, I am right there with your feels. Plus I’m sorry for wasting your time. :p
Thank you all for your replies. I will keep them in mind.