This just came to mind again. The other day, my mom contacted me again. It’s been a long time. I guess she only contacts me to tell me her woes. Several months ago was the first time she contacted me in over a year, since my grandma died. Then, she only wanted to tell me her husband died too and her last German Shepherd had to be put down. Then silence. Then out of nowhere, a few texts at 4am the other day, to tell me her last dog (that I knew) has cancer, and then to tell me she recently adopted 2 other adult dogs, a lab mix and a full blood lab, and that she wants to find an adult GSD to adopt next. So that’s only when I hear from her.
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Been there. I have too many conflicting feeling about this to write anything short or intelligible here. All I know is that it sucks.
Yes it does. I don’t exactly feel like I matter even though she says she loves me. Pfffft… I’m alone in the world with no family.
Eh. She probably does love you. She’s missing parts of her alphabet. A… B… C… D Dogs Dogs Dogs… E… Etc but she loses track by the time she gets to I… I love you.
All my mom’s conversations started with A… Art and I… I love you, but she was missing every other fucking letter, so her life was constantly bleak and I was the only one she could talk to. In the end I couldn’t save her.
I love the way you put that SeeSmith, so poetic. Anyways, I took a look everything you said here, and man that has to be rough. I, unfortunately, have nothing too useful to say, but there are people more qualified than I to give you something more substantial.
I can see why you feel like you don’t matter. But I think it shows that you’re really important to her, because she always turns to you when things are hard… you must be a comfort to her. She isn’t being good to you – it’s very, very thoughtless and it isn’t considerate. She should do a better job at showing her love… not just saying it. But still I’m sure she does love you, and that means caring for someone. Do you ever contact her or turn to her when you feel bad too?
We never really had a relationship. She didn’t want to be a mom so much when I was born. She didn’t like that I showed signs of being different from the norm of society early on. I’m sure she does love me, it’s just never been shown so much or felt. I could never turn to her if I needed someone, or tell her what’s going on in my life. She’s not open to that. It’s just, maybe because I’ve lost everything I loved and cared about, I’m just over and done with it. That was another lifetime and I’m barely hanging on to the new life in Chicago.
I’m so sorry to hear that.