as you all know, I attempted suicide Friday night and had to be taken by ambulance and then to the psyche ward. While I still believe that the mentally ill should choose only if they go to treatment, I think that many would opt out once they got finished. I was one of them. After 6 days of treatment, I would have refused euthanasia. I loved the group and they loved me. I never in my life got so much positive feedback from people who was suffering just like me.
there is a problem. I’m still an alcoholic. I drank today. I called my dad and we are planning to do another party this week. While I made a promise to myself to get out of my comfort zone such as going to the Serinity Club And getting my eye doctors appointment so I can get a car and soon a HUDD house, I still can’t take my mind off the vodka. Today I had a 12 pack of cooers light. I built up such a tolerance to alcohol that the weak stuff barley phases me anymore. I started drinking around 9:30 and here I am 4 hours later wanting more.
while I’m no longer siicidal, I’m so afraid of getting back into my (dis)comfort zone that I know I have to fight and push myself to achieve my goals. As for alcoholism, it’s always with me.
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The alcoholism is something that you’ll probably have to deal with eventually, or it will kill you just as much as the depression. Have you considered maybe trying AA? Or maybe you just want to deal with one thing at a time for now.
Hey my friend. I considered as but I’m not sure I can relate to the god thing since most of the steps involve a higher power. That’s why I’m going to the Serinity Club early next week. Maybe this weekend if they have an opening.
Yeah, that part will probably turn off a lot of people. I’m sure, though, that there are similar groups out there that are not so religious in orientation.
That guy who talked about going fishing sounds like a really good plan. Getting out into nature will help calm your nerves and be a little vacation away from it all. (no alcohol allow on the boat! 🙂
Forgot to ask, what is the Serenity Club? Is that some kind of support group?
On a side note, I’ve been curious about your user name. Does that mean you run Linux or your ‘puter, or are you one of them Mac people?
The comedian Doug Stanhope has some interesting thoughts on AA. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4txNz25Ht9o
My biggest fears…
Not being able to contact my friends at the psyche ward after there discharge because I had such s community there
Relapsing into my warped way of thinking and becoming suicidally depressed again
Failing at all the things I’m trying
Facing my alcoholism
Still being alone
At the group meetings I became a charismatic leader. Helping others. I realized thst I loved helping people. Carla and the staff was impressed with how charismatic and validating I was towards others. I showed leadership skills I never knew I had. The psychiatrists were shocked that I never lived on my own or had a drivers license. They said I was very intelligent and well spoken and talented and was afraid I was wasting my life. At least I have that going for me. I made people laugh there asses off, I made them think. They made me think too. We was one unified organism. One thing I’m worried about is if all those numbers they gave me were fake. Maybe it’s my paranoia coming out. There is this one guy I was friends with who wants to take me fishing about an hour away from where I live. He’s being discharged today. And there is this one woman that I really liked that I exchanged my phone number with as well. I just hope they come though. I need thst community again
As weird as it may sound, what I went though was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. It changed my life in a lot of ways. Now it’s up to me to do what I’m suppose to do. I realize now that the psyche ward is onlythe beginning of my recovery.
You can’t change everything overnight, but look at how much you changed in that week. 🙂 I think considering that and the fact you’re still fighting, you don’t need to worry about things falling back to the way they’ve been.
When I was in my late teens I wanted more than anything to go to a psych ward where I could feel more safe and get faster treatment. But it doesn’t happen unless you make a serious attempt – kind of ironic really. And they send you home very quickly, unless you’re a danger to other people. Those places are fading out of existence here. Strange because only a few decades ago people stayed there for years… Lifetimes sometimes. I’m surprised you think it would stop so many people from being suicidal. The only times I’ve heard of stays there helping people is when they’re younger and haven’t been ill as long. A lot of older people have already tried a wealth of treatment beforehand. But I’m so glad it’s changed things for you. Don’t let those thought patterns hold you back now you have something to fight for. I’m sure you’ll keep in touch with some of the people you liked. Even if you didn’t, there are other ways to find people like you. But it sounds like you got on really well and they felt the same.
my dad has sometimes drunk boxes of beer for days and days, huge tolerance to alcohol but not good for the body… And he can drink whole casks of wine day after day..
Please try and get some treatment for the alcoholism. The psych ward is just the beginning. One step at a time, you will have to be patient. You are never alone…
I just wanted to say it was great to see your post again.
Like you, I ended up in the psyche ward as well….they are a fun bunch aren’t they? I actually had a lot of laughs while there, not to mention all the games of rummy.
Even still, I didn’t come away with what you did but I am happy for you.
I have tasted peace and I know it well now, and to it I shall return but again, I am so happy for you. Congrats on all the big and little steps in your life.
HUGS