Where am I now?

I don’t know but it’s some place I didn’t ever imagine I’d be. I always felt like I got dealt a shit hand in life and that no matter what I did nothing good would come my way. I half ass tried and dragged ass through life aimlessly, I couldn’t even be bothered to care about myself. I guess I never truly felt loved or wanted  so maybe on a subconscious level I felt I didn’t deserve to feel that for myself. I cared and loved in all the wrong ways for all the wrong people. I got hurt so bad that it felt like the very life I had was sucked away. If you were to ask the me from a year ago if I would be where I am now I would have said it wasn’t possible. I have had so many things go right for me that it almost makes me want to cry every time it happens. I have a job that cares about me, they feed me, offer me all the hours I need to help pay for school, and they tell me that if I need a day off to breathe a little to let them know. I have a second job with an amazing boss who cares about me and tells me that if I need a free day to let them know. I have amazing friends that make time to see me and pay for me. The type of friends I can call in the middle of the night to help me change a flat. I’m working so hard to better my life like I really and truly have! I am a college student going to school and taking 5 classes, working full time with both jobs, and doing 120 hours for an internship. And life is being amazing to me for once and it brings such a joy to my heart. Like I never imagined being where I am today ever. Sometimes I feel such a sadness because I know all the things I had to go through to get here, how much pain and suffering I had to overcome. But I’m so happy, I love myself and care for myself and it has changed my life. I feel stronger because of what I’ve overcome I feel wiser. I get depressed sometimes but not so much anymore and there are times I wish I was in a relationship because I miss being in love. But I’m OK and for the first time I genuinely mean it. I wish you all here the best I hope that you can reach a place similar to where I am. I can only wish that my post instills hope in those whom read it….