Do you ever feel so painfully average? Like everything about you is so boring that you get to the point of feeling nonexistent? I know that a lot of people on this website and around the world for that matter, hate themselves for being too different, but I can’t help but hate myself for being too regular. As a students perspective this is/was especially difficult growing up. With the new found trend of “Be different, Be you” I always had trouble with that. I was never the kid with the strange birthplace, I was never the kid with 10+ siblings. I’m aware this is all really selfish, and that it must be extremely difficult, but in the end, whether you can admit it or not we all want our little 15 seconds of fame. I was never the cool edgy kid with the sketch pad, and I was most definitely not that idiot who flaunted their depression like a badge. However, on the flip side of things I got to be the kid who was average weight, average height, brown hair, blue eyes, no talents, blended into the background. And I can’t help but think of those people who would say that they always wanted to be that way, a tailored, cookie cutter person. Then I would feel selfish and terrible, and wonder who truly had it worse, someone who was unhappy with their quirks and got what the human soul craves, attention and pity, or someone who craves a quirk, a difference and can’t stand to be the boring one any longer.
We all hear the amazing and inspiring success stories of the person who was different and had a rough childhood, but it was all worth it, because now they have everything they ever wanted. It always got me thinking, if I’m not different do I get to be successful? Have I had it too easy? I’m not a bad person…is it fair that my entire life is based off of my predetermined cosmic/religious general settings? That God was lazy and let everything hang at 50%? I just feel confused, do I have to shut up and be quiet because I never went through anything difficult? Is this difficult? Apparently, now because I don’t have curves I’m not a woman? If I am straight and white, now by default I’m judgmental and homophobic? Do I now have to be different to be normal?
Is it ok to be a cookie cutter person? Or am I required to color outside the lines?
2 comments
I’ve felt like a failure many times, but I don’t think I’ve ever worried specifically about being average. When I was growing up I had a couple of talents and a lot of encouragement, and I really believed I’d take them somewhere one day. I didn’t see myself as particularly ‘different’, but I thought it was important that I accomplish something. I have quite different ideas now of what an accomplishment is. I have a different idea of people in general. I think craving success or attention is a sign that there’s something lacking inside you – maybe, like you, it’s the worry that there’s nothing special about you. In any case, it’s an attempt to find satisfaction of some kind. For me I think it was my lack of self-worth along with a lot of unhappiness. The lack of self-worth was partly a symptom of depression and partly because the way depression affected me made me become a person I didn’t like.
Everyone has quirks, and at the same time most people are no different from many, many other people on Earth. Many (probably most) of those people who were unhappy with their quirks didn’t get any attention for it. If they did, it might not have helped them. Standing out isn’t always a positive. It sounds like what you’re really looking for is the attention, which ideally should be seen as an issue in itself. It isn’t something you can guarantee you’ll find in a world with so many people, so the result you’re looking for might have to be found elsewhere.
“if I’m not different do I get to be successful? Have I had it too easy?” I think the people who have it easier tend to be more successful. Just look at politicians. There are more that came from wealthy backgrounds and private schools, where they had the opportunity to learn the skills they need and taught to be leaders (despite the fact that they only represent a small amount of the population). Then again, it depends how you define success. I see it now as making yourself a happier, more compassionate person. Now I think that if I could start walking along that path, I’d be very happy to stay in the category of ‘normal’, or ‘painfully average’. I used to want success more than anything in the world, and while I’d still like to create (I loved art and writing) I don’t really need that success to be satisfied. I’d rather find the satisfaction within myself, and build up a little, average, happy life around me.
To be honest, I’ve always judged people who are successful but never “struggled” in life. I’ve slowly come to realize that’s not fair to do. Everyone struggles in some way.
As someone who is mixed race, I was the “different” one. Unfortunately, no one thought it was cool, and everyone thought I was ugly, weird and grossly mixed.
Once I take away the fact I’m mixed race I don’t have anything else. I’m not smart, not talented, yeah I’m pretty average. B.S. on that curves thing also, everyone has a different body and just because one woman doesn’t have curves doesn’t make her less of a woman.
You don’t have to be anyone you don’t want to be. Everyone is their own person and there’s nothing wrong with you.