my thoughts are exhausting me and I don’t have the strength to function properly to get through this day. But I can’t skip this day either, I have an important dance showing I have to attend and I have to figure out how to get up enough courage to fake that I’m okay during the time I have to be around people. I’m already skipping two classes right now, and I had to leave half way through my dance class this morning because I couldn’t stop crying long enough to dance. I failed my Dance History exam and I’m starting to get really discouraged again, that I can’t survive collage because I’m overwhelmed and have taken on more than I can handle. 18 credits, four group projects, work, rehearsals, extra rehearsals, homework, senior project, skip having time for proper hygiene. I just cant handle that, plus depression and no one to talk to without feeling like I’m going to exhaust them too, and hate me for it.
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I wish you the best of luck at the dance showing. It sounds like you have way, way too much on your hands right now, but maybe you can remind yourself when you’re there that you can come back and talk about it. I’m rooting for you. 🙂 I remember how hard it was to fake being okay when you’re breaking inside. Sometimes you just have to keep in mind that you’re not trapped there and it will be over before too long.
Longer term, maybe you can drop a couple of your projects?
I want to tell you something I don’t think you will want to hear, but I gotta… It’s that important.
It’s OK to fail. It’s OK to throw your hands up and say you can’t take it anymore. It’s OK to admit that you are drowning.
Nobody is going to tell you what a loser you are. The finger of God isn’t going to come out if the sky and shame you. Decent people that understand the human condition are going to hug you, tell you it’s OK, and support you when you are ready to try again.
Related to this, it’s OK to ask for help. Instead of being alone and pushing yourself to the breaking point, reach out to others, admit to your teachers you are overwhelmed, find like minds that can help you with damage control.
I hope you love dancing. I think it’s one of the most wonderful human endeavours!