This is my first post but I have been reading for a while. I have been trying to fight for years but I am so tired of fighting everyday to never be happy. I obsess over how I’m going to end it and when. I’m afraid of a failed attempt. I am so tired of never feeling good enough, having people walk out on me, and just not caring.
I hate hearing people say to just give it time or things will get better. I am 25 and it never gets better for me. I just want it to be over now. I don’t want to keep living with hope for a better tomorrow. I can’t keep going anymore. I just want to end it and hopefully soon I will.
19 comments
There is a possibility of things getting better in time (wait there’s more)… If you force yourself to seek out ways to improve your situation and keep trying even when you don’t want to or if something doesn’t work out the first time. It rarely happens by itself. I don’t know the particulars of your specific situation, but I am sorry you’ve had to struggle for such a long period.
you are talking how i feel … maybe really thats it and it will never get any better .! i’ve been thinking for a while if i should only accept the way my live is and the way i feel .. named it ACCEPTING i was numb but when i sow the word accepting it only got worse .. and start feeling more sad .. do i really have to accept that my life is a ***** or do i have to die or what .. tired of waitting to things get better .. it may never will ..! i mean it might be no answer to this shit .. maybe life is a shit .! and wondering why there is a people who have it all and nothing to be afraid of or worried .. its just soo ugly
@jano.11, that is *not* what I meant by accepting. I think you should look for ways to feel better. All I meant was trying to accept that those feelings are there right now – because once you practice that, you start to feel like they have less control over you. It can make it more bearable. Sometimes it helps you on the way to feeling better. No one should just accept that life is this way. No one should just wait and hope things will get better, without knowing if they will or not. That should be something you keep fighting for.
i know know that you didnt mean that ,, but it is the word that got me into a further places ,, i just feel bad ,, and i dont know what to do , nearly have nothing to say even to me,, just smoking ,,!!
Yeah, bruiseviolet described what I meant much better than I did. 🙂 I’m sorry the word made you feel worse. Try to take it one minute at a time, jano. You don’t have to figure everything out right now. Take it easy and try to relax if you can. 🙂
I really don’t think that the intention was that you should accept everything that has happened. Rather the meaning was to accept your feelings as valid. To forgive yourself for having all these feelings and for having a bad time.
There are no people in this world that have it all and never have to be afraid or worried. Everybody suffers. If the word acceptance can be used in this context then maybe we should accept that to live is to suffer but that is so for every person and thing that lives.
Hi, abisslover25. I’m glad you’ve posted. 🙂 I read for a long time before I posted too.
I’m very sorry you’ve had to suffer for so long. The advice about giving it time and waiting for it to get better sucks. Young people are constantly given that advice, and when some of them feel the same years later they’re just ignored, as though they’ve already been given their chance and it’s too late to feel better again. Doctors didn’t take my depression or anxiety seriously when I was in my teens, and I think it would’ve been a lot easier to get help then, before I got more ill. Have you tried any types of treatment? People aren’t always given the help they need at first, but I think you reach a point with depression where you might need to take a proactive approach for things to get better.
I’ve had so many hours lately where I can hardly stand to last another minute, so I fully understand if all you can think about is ending it. But I hope you won’t think there’s no hope of things improving because you’ve been feeling like this for a long time.
Welcome to the forum. I’m fairly new here but there are so many people on this forum that honestly care and will listen.
For me people just listening is sometimes enough to turn the page and start tomorrow with hope. I’m not going to say it gets better, for me there were months at a clip that getting out of bed seemed pointless. I needed medicine to get my brain balanced enough for anything to make sense, and it took forever for someone to finally say to me…oh you’re serious? You mean you really can’t go another day in this hell hole you call your own mind? Well here, lets try this little cocktail and see if it helps. And it did. Some.
Crap, this isn’t very positive is it? What I’m trying to say is start talking and we will listen.
Welcome to SP Abiss. I don’t want to say much because I have a feeling that you have heard it all before and I get that you feel so tired of it all right now. I know that it is exhausting. I hope that you can find a bit of comfort and or support here on SP. Be nice to yourself even if it’s just for this evening.
Who walked out on you?
My family, my ex husband, ex boyfriend, and all my friends.
Wow, that’s so sad. I’m sorry to hear you are alone.
The world will always tell you life can and will get better, even when it might not. Thing is, part of you wants to stick around. Whether this part is strong enough to fight off the way you feel is up to how hard you wish to try. Either way, welcome to SuicideProject I hope we can offer a sense of community to you.
Sometimes all you can do is just breathe and do your best to make it to the next day. I haven’t really been functioning for a week, except to sit on the couch and force myself to watch TV. That’s how bad it is lately. I’ll have to force myself to the therapist Wednesday. I’m in my 30s and there have been some good times, but mostly bad.
I don’t see a reason to keep going on like this. Hopefully you’ll find a reason. In the meantime, breathe.
It’s basically about deciding to live. You have no choice really. Deciding to live takes a lot of energy and I’ve tried before. Working out helped to make me feel better and I was going out more… Then I fall back into this pit. So I’m lost too for now. Hold on. Things will only get better if you push yourself, but I’m tired. Haha How many times can you feel like you’re trying to move a mountain every day? Annoying as fuck.
Thank you for reading. i honestly don’t even know what to say anymore except I just want it to stop.
Every single one of us understands that feeling.
I am sorry. I really don’t wish this on my worst enemy.
I think the best think I have ever read is “it’s not that they want to die they just don’t know how to live anymore” .