The last few days have been the worst in a while. He doesn’t like my scars and said its a deal breaker if I cut again. he doesn’t like me smoking or drinking. he hates that suicide crosses my mind every day. ive been so depressed, and I am forbidden from using my coping strategies. I tied myself a noose last night, just in case. I held the blade against my skin and managed to resist slicing. I beat myself with a belt tonight to try and feel something again. He doesn’t like how skinny I am, even though ive put on 5lb for him already. I just want to purge until there’s nothing left of me. Is this what recovery is? I know he is good for me, but this feels like torture.
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3 comments
It doesn’t sound like he is good for you. He sounds like he has control issues.
i understand you , & he is good for you & its not that he is trying to controll you he is trying to help you . Im going through recovery also & yes i must admot it is difficult to handle so much pain and overwhelming thoughts . Voices going back and forth . It took me awhile to understand & face reality but theres a time and place for everyone .
Recovery is when you not do all those things for yourself.