I’ve been living with illness all my life. Started with asthma when I was young. 3rd grade I was put into the ICU for an asthma attack. They kept me awake with albuterol and doing arterial sticks every hour. Slightly traumatized me. It continued through high school. Then I developed stomach issues as well as a curve in my spine known as Sherman’s Disease. I started eating ibprophen like it was candy. Pneumonia and bouts of pleurisy followed me through my mid 20’s. In my mid 20’s I developed IBS. The gastro doctor, who is also my fathers, thought I had chrons like my father. After about a month and a half of antagonizing pain, they found out it was my gallbladder and removed it. A year later, I developed arthritis in my upper spine. They haven’t been able to determine the type, even though my father has rheumatoid, but they do know it is degenerative. I haven’t been able to work in at least 5 years. I had a great job, was a roadie, was even in a band. I had a girlfriend and 2 cars. Now I have nothing but pain. New healthcare law made it impossible for me to go to pain management. Taking whatever the doctors can give me plus all the otc meds. I’m broke, no car, living with my mother now. I can’t drink due to my stomach issues. Everything has gone to hell. Already abusing otc medication. One day I might not wake up. I do want to die, but I can’t because my friends and family have told me how bad it would hurt them. They don’t understand my pain. The only one who does is my father, but he has medication for his pain. With all my health issues plus my pain, I often think if it would be better off dead. Hear me out. My friends and family would be sad, but they wouldn’t have to worry about me anymore. My pain would be gone. Eventually everything would go back to normal. It’s not like I’m helping out society right now anyways. I can’t even get SSI b/c of my age. I don’t like being a burden and I don’t know if I can live with this pain much longer. It really helps to get all this off my chest. I am very depressed as anyone would be. I’ve just forgotten how to survive.
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It might help to double-check on the age requirement for SSDI. In the US, SSDI is for workers who become disabled before the retirement age. The process often takes a significant amount of time but, if granted, I believe the benefits are backdated to the date of application. There should be no shortage of attorneys who offer a free consultation. Some will represent you and only collect a fee if you’re successful in receiving benefits. While money doesn’t solve everything, it might help you become more independent and alleviate your concerns about relying on others.
There is a value within every life. Yours isn’t any exception. Although you’ve seemingly been through a series of trials and tribulations, you clearly have a purpose. Sometimes it takes a little while to sort through things and discover what that purpose is. Your friends and family clearly care about you. To be honest, and I speak from experience, things would never simply return to normal. You would be missed more than you might realize.
If you haven’t already, get in touch with some of the drug manufacturers who have products which might help you. Some of the drug manufacturers have their own programs for free or reduced price medication. A Google search for the name of the medication will probably lead you to the manufacturer.
Please don’t give up. I’m sure there is a workable solution to what you’re going through. While it may take a little while to obtain, I’m sure the solution would be worth it.
SSI doesn’t like to hand out to those not in their mid 30s yet. Been at it for five years. I know I’ll be missed, I just serve no purpose. That gets to me more than anything else. My problem isn’t affording the meds, it’s affording the doctors. Thanks to the ACA, no pain management group in the state will take any insurance bought on the marketplace. I don’t qualify for medicaid because I’m not Latino and I’m not receiving SSI. Just so tired of fighting. Barely sleep anymore. I have a therapist. I’m on anti depressants and anxiety meds. Still doesn’t help the pain and not serving a purpose.
Anybody out there know any ways of dealing with chronic pain and being stuck in doors most of the time with depression and becoming increasingly suicidal?