Hello loves. Here i am, doing my math homework, listening to some classical cello/piano combo, and I had a thought. I don’t know how many of you suffer from a Bipolar Disorder… but sometimes it gets so damn hard. One minute, you are a crazy party girl, the next minute, a raving *****, the next minute, a girl full of light and love, and the next minute, someone who is only a reach away from picking up a gun and blowing her brains out. When I change moods, it is so hard to find who I truly am… I don’t even know who that is anymore.
I have changed skins into so, very many types of people… I just get lost in it… in me. Whoever that is. The medication can only help so much…
If I can’t find who I am, how can I grow into a person who is of worth? A person who accepts and loves themselves, a person who is stable enough for others to lean on… A person who can be of valuable help to others.
I want to work with mentally ill/disabled kids and teens through therapeutic horse riding when I am older, and how can I be strong for them if I cannot even be strong for myself? I cannot let them down…
Sorry for the rant, loves. I just needed to get this off my chest.
10 comments
I’m sorry you go through that, and I’m sorry I can’t go past anything but saying I’m sorry. I’m crap at everything, including advice/helping people
I do not think that is “crap” advice at all, love. Support is worth it’s weight in gold. Thank you for your comment 🙂
I don’t have bipolar, but the logical solution to that would be to find a way to identify your changes, and moderate what you do whenever you feel another “you” is popping out. I don’t think you can’t grow as a person because of it tho, because the fact that you’re wondering about that means that you’re already improving (by questioning yourself to find solutions). If you have a therapist/shrink that would be a pretty good question to ask in your next visit too.
One thing tho, even a person that doesn’t have bipolar fluctuates through different “personalities” to adjust to conditions around them, and they also screw up by not realizing it. Guess that what i’m trying to say with that is that even if you “change personalities” you’re still you, and you still should be able to have some control (even if it’s just a bit).
The problem is, I never feel the other “me”. Ever. It just happens- after a while, I realize what has happened, but before then… however, it is worth a try; at least finding out what some of my triggers are would be good. Thanks for the advice, love 🙂
There is much to be said for knowing yourself, your routines, and your triggers.
Meds + Exp + Therapy + 12X * Love(Self)^2 – 3 = Coping Skills
Ironically, that is also the answer to question 7 in your homework. You’re welcome.
Lol thank you @SeeSmith. A laugh and an answer, all in one place. Thank you for being you 🙂
I can’t give any advice here, but know that I’m here whenever you wanna talk 🙂 You are so sweet and caring, and you deserve some of that love and care in return. I love you, Teddy. Endless hugs for you. <3
Wish i could say something helpful, but i’m in the same boat as you. Hopefully we wont stay like this forever.
I’m sorry to hear you’re stuck here too :/ I hope so too
You can definitely have the life you want/described. I am not bipolar (I suffer from other mental illness), but my close friend is. She sought treatment. (Institutionalization and medication.) She did the work and found a psychiatrist she trusts. She committed herself to a uni program (I met her at art school) where she studies art therapy. She has a house, three jobs (she works with children and the mentally ill and no doubt is fabulous at it). She is a reliable friend (my favorite thing about life is her company) who also has a loving boyfriend. Oh she also has a cat she rescued and loves unconditionally (he is a pain, a very cute pain but nonetheless a pain). What you want is very real and attainable. The two qualities I notice in her are acceptance of her mental illness and her persistence to take care of herself. So basically persistence and responsibility. There is no need to suicide, you can have what you want in life. You are just as needed and valuable as someone without bipolar disorder. And I have found when I want to suicide (I do have my low points) the national suicide hotline in the states is a huge help.