There must be a reason that you stopped cutting so that should be your reason not to start again. I am sorry that you’re feeling that bad. Sometimes it works for me to sit very still and observe the horror show that is going on in my mind and body. Just observe it and lean in to it. Sometimes I name the feelings like ”terror” ”fear” ”anxiety” ”shame” ”hate” and just sit there letting it happen like it is the most horrific rollercoaster ever invented and I am strapped in. I do this because there is no point in reacting to it because none of the reactive behaviours do anything useful.