We can survive pain and lost, but how to survive injustice? What to do when all what you one day believed is pulverized in front of your eyes? What to do when you are being punish without a reason and you feel lost? Where to find that little thing, that miraculous thing that will make you wake up and try again?
One day after many years of fail intends and hardship you arrive to the place you want to live, then you are happy as you was not before in your whole life. You have a life, is not a perfect life, you have problems with your partner, but still, you keep fighting, you are still in love, you have a family, you have friends, you have a goal and a plan, you irradiate happiness, you are a good mom, a worker, an student.
Then, suddenly, all turn grey, your partner betray you, he humiliate you, he makes your life miserable, even more than before, he believe more in an stranger than in you, but he does not want to give you the divorce. Then you get sick, there are people hurting you in everyplace you go, they are ending their plan, broken your dreams, stealing your smile, your children are losing her mom, they stop doing what they have to do and you stop doing all the great things you were doing, you are sick now. You cry, you yell, you misbehave, and then he is there, your salvation is there, giving you a false love.
The storm has passed, then you have lost your marry, your moral, your believe in true love, in friends, family, in the place you chose to life, you feel alone. Then you start blaming, laughing, you start saying stupidities, you want them to know how you feel. But they are more powerful than that, they go against all the anti bully campaigns, against rationality and common sense, again the law and all the logic things, they make you feel even more miserable. All your pain was not enough, now they embrace the criminal than condemned you to that life, they give more value to criminals than you, they make you feel unworthy and like nothing, it was not enough, they want you death, but they do not kill you.
What sense could have to life a live that you do not want to life, empty of friends, family, future, dreams, goals and love?
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8 comments
It’s hard, loosing what you had….but you need to ask yourself, isn’t there a reason you are here? you have a purpose!!! you just need to find it…this may seem absolutely devastating, like there is no hope…you need to stand up, believe in yourself! You just need to find your purpose. It doesn’t matter what it is, it doesn’t have to be huge, it can be small, but still you, still worth it. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here!
Thanks so much for your words. I am having another bad day and I will no have appointment with my therapist until the end of the month.
You know, I am a person that is well aware of my imperfections and weakness, but I never thought anyone could so openly hurt me, hurt without stop. I have watched those anti-bully campaigns,and now I do not even believe in that.
Every morning I woke up trying to find that purpose. I wonder, how people do bad things on the name of good things. Could be possible that a criminal deserve more attention and consideration than me? What is wrong with the system? What is people thinking on these days? I have so many questions. Why you hurt a person that have never hurt anyone and then you pardon, smile, praise a delinquent or the responsible of so many deaths and tragedies. Why you give more love to the one that have always hate you?
Yes I need to talk, because this day have been catastrophic for me. I know that have the option to disconnect myself from the world, run far away for those disturbing news circulating on the cyberspace. But I am not like that, even so I know, If I do that, if I silence my soul and accept that reality, will be the only way to find maybe that little something.
I see your points, iv gone through some things similar to that (and still currently do), like i said if you would like to talk to me I’m here. my email is shermandog2@gmail.com , you can email me and i hope i can help you. At least make things a bit happier. Its hard loving the people who hurt you, and i never really believed in the whole “just be happy” or “just smile for a while” (or the worst) “get over it”. it doesn’t really help, but hopefully i can.
I understand how you feel. Betrayal is the worst kind of pain. When strangers hurt you, you can turn to the people you trust for support. But what do you do when the people you trusted are the ones who hurt you? I guess you go in Suicide chat rooms and try to find support from strangers. This is the first time I’ve been in one of these suicide chat rooms, so I don’t know the etiquette about responding to other people’s posts, but if I can help you in any way, I am here for you. I won’t give you advice, because obviously, I have no idea how to get through this either, but at least we don’t have to feel alone. And that helps a little, doesn’t it? It does me. I was thinking earlier that if I died tonight, probably know one would even know for days. I am invisible, voiceless, completely alone. But now I am writing to another human being who understands how I feel, and maybe, just maybe, it will help you hang on a little longer until a solution comes. I ran out of hope for myself, but now I can hope for you, and it makes me feel a little better. Please, tell me how you are now.
Thanks, it helps me, you do not have idea how much help me.
I never though I will be using places like this, talking about my pain to strangers. To be honest I do not like to do it, but I am trying all the things possible to keep myself going. I hate to be alone, I need people.
I feel exactly like that “voiceless” and alone.
I am doing the same thing you are doing. I write about my pain and then I go and try to help others, because I know what they are feeling. Helping others is a way to give a little purpose to my life.
It is so liberating to just fucking empty my brain to all of the nice people here. No one know us and no one judges me. Just keep on talking. Talk the crazy out. It really helps.
There are so many people like us. I can’t believe how many people are suicidal. As I read people’s posts, I am amazed how much they are like me. I felt so alone, like I was emotionally deformed, broken in a way that no one else would understand. But reading these posts, I see that I am not the anomaly I thought I was. Perhaps everyone feels this way sometimes, but they just have people in their lives to talk to, so they don’t have to say it in chat rooms. I don’t know why I feel shame for needing help from strangers, but I do. I feel like a homeless person begging for food. I think that other people must be thinking “doesn’t she have any family or friends to help her?” But I don’t. Not anymore. And like the homeless person, if I don’t overcome my humiliation and ask for help, I will starve. So, I ask, trying to find food for my soul so I don’t die. There must be something inside of us that still wants to live, so much that we are willing to bear the shame and reach out for the slightest chance of finding what we need to survive. Maybe we are stronger than we thought.
Yes, I know we are not alone, that there many like us. It is sad. No one deserve a life like this, no one deserve to be hurt or humiliate. I do not feel shame asking for help, because the last thing I want is to hurt anyone. It is not food for my soul what I need, I have never need to nurture my soul, because even if I m damage now, my soul is pure and I have never hurt anyone the way life has hurt me. I cannot compare with the homeless, homeless people are like you and me, people that have go through very bad times in life, economical hard times, but still they have a part of them untouchable, there is hope for them. I do not feel any hope. I have try many roads, and all are closed. There is a life out there, that is not what I thought.