A few weeks ago, I was starting to get hope that I wouldn’t kill myself, that my future is still bright. Then suddenly, it all disappeared due to the pressure I get in trying to keep up in school. My suicide date is a few weeks away and I want to stop myself from killing myself, but the rest of myself is pretty convinced that I should end my life soon. I’m starting to avoid homework and other things altogether because one, I’m tired of school and that it drains the life out of me. I mean, who wouldn’t be tired when you wake up at 5 AM, get to school by 7:15, sit and listen to people talk for 10 hours, and get home around 7 PM? Two, I can’t live up to people’s expectations of me. I want to be myself, but I think I’ve lost my true self long ago and that I’m just a living dead, someone who is in the middle of life and death. I want to rest for a while, but my school doesn’t have any breaks (we do, but the week after that is the quarterly exams, so the break is pretty useless) and every week is filled with requirements and tests. I wish I could go back in time to stop myself from going to this school and go to this other school that I wanted to go. I wish I could still be truly happy, like how I was 2 years ago. I wish I wasn’t pressured by others to go into this school now due to the fact that my parents are doctors and they want me to be one too. I wish things would go back to how they were before.
Lastly, there was this post someone made about my school. It said the school drained the life out of him too and that the school can either make you or break you. Heh, I guess it broke me into pieces already.
I have 24 days left before my suicide date. There’s a high chance I’ll push through killing myself at this point.
2 comments
This is so sad to read especially when you don’t realize how permanent suicide is ….. The stress of life is something everyone must overcome it gets hard but it gets better. Nothing stays the same , life changes , it gets better. School was also hard for me add a child into that and being a single teen mom. But like I said things change…. They get better you just have to stay strong .everybody has hard times and suicide isn’t the answer so please just let time get better ??
Why you have pick a date for your suicide?
Your parents want you to be a doctor, but wha do you want? What do you like to be? At the end your parents are not the one that will go to a job they do not like or want to do. There are nothing wrong with the long hours that you have to dedicate to study or the many test you have to do. You will always have to devote long hours to your career if you want to be successful. And for that reason is important that you do what you really want to do.
“”Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”