Thank you. I am actually really glad you don’t understand.
I don’t know what triggered it. I’ve had the nerve pain for most of the day, but I doubt that that triggered it. Maybe it was the book I read. At the end of it, this guy gets his head lopped off for killing a man. In his cell, he spent a lot of time thinking about stuff, like souls and punishment and death. I read it this morning. But the thought didn’t start going sour till a little while ago.
That sucks when enjoying a book an suddenly something happens that triggers. I do know that feeling. Does trying to sidetrack your mind with games or movies help at all?
Sometimes. Actually, often. But I don’t want to put it off anymore. I want to solve it. Because it comes back stronger every time I brush it off.
I either need get right with Him again or supplant reconciliation with immense physical agony. I have abdominal cysts, but they’re dormant right now. I wish I could just flip a switch and wake them up. The blinding pain is incredible.
At least I get to hear the rain tonight. That’s pretty cool.
I just wanted to add that by far the worst part of tonight and this post I just made is that it makes me look like a freaking nut job and makes people discredit my faith. I wish people could understand that just because I’m a space cadet doesn’t mean that all other believers are.
My dad disowned me when I first converted about four years ago. Said I had disappointed him, and that I was an evil, brainwashed head case. That hurt like Hell, if I’m honest. Especially since my conversion was the best thing to ever happen to me. For the first time in my life, I was actually happy. And he spat in my face. The man who used to be my hero.
And even after all that, I can still say that I prefer his rabid hatred of my guts to the egg-shell-stepping condescension I get from the “nice” ones in his camp. The people who hug me while I’m having an episode and mock my “bronze-age insanity” behind my back.
I don’t think it makes you look like a nut job. I think depression (and other mental illnesses) are misunderstood. And frankly, some people are just ignorant jerks sometimes. People need to learn to accept other peoples beliefs. Your dad doesn’t have to like it but he should accept. The problem is not you.
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I don’t actually understand exactly what you mean but I am good at listening if you need to talk things out. Did something trigger this?
Thank you. I am actually really glad you don’t understand.
I don’t know what triggered it. I’ve had the nerve pain for most of the day, but I doubt that that triggered it. Maybe it was the book I read. At the end of it, this guy gets his head lopped off for killing a man. In his cell, he spent a lot of time thinking about stuff, like souls and punishment and death. I read it this morning. But the thought didn’t start going sour till a little while ago.
That sucks when enjoying a book an suddenly something happens that triggers. I do know that feeling. Does trying to sidetrack your mind with games or movies help at all?
Sometimes. Actually, often. But I don’t want to put it off anymore. I want to solve it. Because it comes back stronger every time I brush it off.
I either need get right with Him again or supplant reconciliation with immense physical agony. I have abdominal cysts, but they’re dormant right now. I wish I could just flip a switch and wake them up. The blinding pain is incredible.
Wish I words to help you. If you want to talk it thru you can email me anytime at my username at hotmail.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
At least I get to hear the rain tonight. That’s pretty cool.
I just wanted to add that by far the worst part of tonight and this post I just made is that it makes me look like a freaking nut job and makes people discredit my faith. I wish people could understand that just because I’m a space cadet doesn’t mean that all other believers are.
My dad disowned me when I first converted about four years ago. Said I had disappointed him, and that I was an evil, brainwashed head case. That hurt like Hell, if I’m honest. Especially since my conversion was the best thing to ever happen to me. For the first time in my life, I was actually happy. And he spat in my face. The man who used to be my hero.
And even after all that, I can still say that I prefer his rabid hatred of my guts to the egg-shell-stepping condescension I get from the “nice” ones in his camp. The people who hug me while I’m having an episode and mock my “bronze-age insanity” behind my back.
I wish I wasn’t such a bitter disappointment.
I don’t think it makes you look like a nut job. I think depression (and other mental illnesses) are misunderstood. And frankly, some people are just ignorant jerks sometimes. People need to learn to accept other peoples beliefs. Your dad doesn’t have to like it but he should accept. The problem is not you.