so i thought my roommate would be gone the whole weekend but she came back today. and she was on speakerphone with her mom in the other room. and i heard them talking about the rent so i started listening. and then they were talking about the dishes of my mine that she stuck in a garbage bag in front of my door.and her mom was telling her to be nice and to do them for me but my roommate kept telling her she was just going to throw them in the dumpster.then she was telling her mom how shed be really happy if she doesnt see me in the three weeks leading up to winter break. and even though i just really want to push her off the balcony everytime i see or think about her, it really hurt. i mean i don’t want to see her either. but all this self hate is coming back to me and to hear someone physically say that they dont want to see me really hurt. and so i didnt know if she was going to throw my dishes out or not so i poked my head out the door when she got off the phone and i was basically crying and i asked her to please not throw my dishes away and she knows now that i heard her conversation and i know i shouldntve been listening but i couldnt help it. and know i need help, professional help, because im starting to have bad anger issues and i almost badly injured myself today just to see how far id go. and theres one person i want to talk to but i dont want to interupttheir life with my problems and this person i know can help me get a good therapist but i have no logical way of paying for the therapist due to the fact im still on my parents insurance and i dont want to talk tothem at all about my issues or let them know. and i dont even know if our insurance covers therapy. so i have no possible way currently to get the help i am actually starting to want.