and i don’t even care if that sounds dumb. i can’t lie about how i feel, life was just better when i was a kid. i didn’t have the best childhood, but i wasn’t abused and at least i wasn’t depressed. i still had a capacity for fun and adventure, whereas now it takes a herculean amount of strength to face each day, and i feel ‘blah’ about everything. nothing is fun anymore. the years 2002-2007 stand out for me, i was young enough to still have a rosy view of the world. things went south after 08, 2009-10 was kind of the point of no return. and everything has sucked since then. now i get no enjoyment or fun out of anything. i’m not really alive anymore, i’m just… here.
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once hope dies, i don’t know if it ever comes back.
so…it’s okay that you’re just here. and nobody can tell you that you ‘should’ feel happy.
someone i care about told me that nobody knows how anybody is supposed to feel.
for me, searching out inner peace has been a good use of my time, if only because the more peace i feel, the better i treat the people i love.
i can’t say it’s like happiness, but it is better than depression or anger.
It doesn’t sound dumb at all. I’m still a little kid. I deliberately cultivate it.
Not enjoying life (dysthymia) or not feeling pleasure (anhedonia) or avoidance of fun (oldfartucus) can be as bad as depression.
I presume you don’t need advice on things to do that are fun since you are pretty young.
smbc-comics.com/index.php?id=3692
I also reached a point like that. Nothing has been the same since, although it’s finally improved since the worst part. It isn’t a point of no return, but it is something you need to do something about and get help to work through. The capacity for fun and thirst for adventure will come back.
There are times when I do wish that I was young again. Without a doubt, there was a LOT less stress, little responsibility, no bills, no depression, and plenty of support. My point is that you certainly DON’T sound dumb. Sometimes it does seem like a good idea to go back in time.