I’m Not Alright

I think I let this one thing define who I am because it has always been the reason why I have been judged and rejected all my life. Female friends have always told me that I should forget about sex and just find a woman who likes me and get to develop feelings for each other before letting her know about my micro penis. So I would then ask women, if they were put in this situation, would they have preferred to know this guy had a micro penis before developing feelings for him and they all said they would feel like the guy was trying to deceive them if he hid the fact that he had a micropenis from them. Most said they would not leave the guy after finding out but that’s likely just because they don’t want to appear shallow or unkind. They all wanted to be informed before any feelings developed and I agree with this. I’m not going to deceive any woman in the hope that she will love me enough to simply tolerate my inadequacies when in fact, if she had known upfront she would have decided not to pursue any friendship with me.

I have been with over 3000 prostitutes and regardless of what people seem to think of prostitutes, they are just regular women who come from all walks of life. Most prostitutes would burst out laughing when they saw my micropenis and would humiliate me and degrade me. Some prostitutes were very nice and were kind to me but would still be shocked or felt too disgusted to touch me. One prostitute refused to touch me because she said it would make her feel too creepy as she would feel like she was touching a baby. She was being honest, not nasty. I apologised for expecting her to do something so gross and told her to keep the money without doing anything. She went on to tell me that if I needed anyone to talk to about my problem , that her husband had experience as a counselor and was very good at helping people with their problems. Not all women have been nasty to me but all reacted in a negative way when seeing my micropenis so I know first-hand what women really, honestly think.

When a woman asks her husband, does my butt look big in this dress, she knows she is getting an answer from someone who loves her and his opinion may be adjusted, modified, toned down, simply because he loves her and wants to spare her feelings. We all do that for loved ones because we care about their feelings and it is human nature. I think that because I have had so many negative experiences related to my micropenis and have never found any woman accepting of it, that it has become the one thing that I need acceptance of and I refuse to simply accept the adjusted, modified or toned down acceptance from someone who has feelings for me and is trying to save my feelings. That will not work for me because I already know women’s real feelings about a micropenis. I don’t want to be with a woman and simply be tolerated and expect her to make allowances and have to work around my inadequacies when I know that had she not had any feelings for me and I were a stranger, then her feelings about a micropenis would be similar to all the woman whom humiliated me and laughed at me.

All women want to be attractive to their p@rtner. They all want their p@rtners to find them sexually arousing but as a man, I am expected to be happy if any woman can simply tolerate me and put up with me being inadequate. If I am not sexually attractive to any female then why would I want an intimate relationship? I know many men would not care if a woman found them sexually attractive as long as the guy found the woman attractive because most men only want sex and are simply happy to be getting it. I cannot have sex, so I don’t have that desire of finding a p@rtner and the willingness to accept any woman who will have me just so I can have a sex life, like so many men do.

Everyone tells me that penetration does not matter so much as most women climax from clitoral stimulation and I know all this but telling a guy with a micropenis that he can compensate by being extra good at oral sex and he can always use toys to make up for what he is lacking is an insult. No guy wants to have to use oral sex as a compensation for having a micropenis when normal guys are using oral sex as a compliment to their love making skills. I would forever just feel inadequate to all of the woman’s previous partners knowing that I could not give her what they all could.

Apart from all this, I no longer find a woman’s body arousing. After 30 years of failed attempts at intercourse and the only way I have ever achieved ejaculation being from masturbating myself while a woman watched me while laughing at me and humiliating me, I have developed a humiliation perversion. Having a humiliation/repulsion perversion does not mean that I enjoy the humiliation, it means that I subconsciously trained myself over 30 years to learn to become aroused and to ejaculate when a woman was either repulsed at the sight of my micropenis or was humiliating me. I have never reached orgasm when a woman’s naked body was involved so now it does nothing for me. No woman would ever want a relationship with a guy with a micropenis who can never satisfy her. On top of that she would never want a man who has no sexual interest in her and does not find her to be sexually attractive.

There is no help for me. I simply try to minimise what damage I have done by allowing myself to be humiliated all my life. That is why I use the name Mike Rowedick. Let everyone know upfront so women know and won’t ever want to develop any friendship and to get in first with insulting myself so that others know there is no point insulting me because I already know I am a pathetic cockless freak. I have discussed chemical castration with my Doctors but I have tried the castration drugs before and I gain heaps of weight, have no energy or motivation and I get even more depressed when taking those drugs. So I just make the best of my situation. The only sexual outlet I have is humiliation and it’s free and always available. I just have to deal with knowing that I am just a worthless piece of crap to every woman who sees me and I have been doing that for years now.

My Psych wants me to meet new friends and try and go on a first date but that would only make me feel worse. It’s probably difficult for anyone to understand how I feel but I once explained all of this to a woman who was wanting to date me and I asked her to reverse everything and imagine if every man she had been with had humiliated her and some even refused to touch her. I asked her how she thought she might feel after years of experiencing this and she said she would never speak to any man ever again if that had happened to her. But I have no bad feelings toward any woman because it is simply human nature to laugh at those who are different and in this society if is commonly accepted that it is OK to tease and humiliate a guy with a micropenis. I accept that I am the one with the problem, not every woman who has humiliated me.