it just isn’t worth anything anymore

how to die on overdose of sleeping pills – yeah that doesn’t work

my parents just want me to be an entirely different person than who I really am – tell them if they make a legitimate cash offer you will consider it

No one seems to understand that you can’t just STOP suicidal thoughts – that’s pretty evident around here

telling me not to “be so depressing” – generally we don’t condone violence around here but shit like that is “asking for it”

My parents admitted to me that I am significant – wait. You mean INsignificant, right?

Maybe i can make it look like an accident so they get my life insurance – first, I’d be real suspicious of parents that insure their kids. Second, why do them any favors? Why not frame them?

At least then, the end of my life would have some sort of meaning. – that’s a pretty minimal definition of “meaning.”

I’m ugly, too quiet, untalented, not smart. Everyone thinks I’m some kind of creepy sociopath. – yeah I thought I was the same way, and then my son 35 years later said the same thing. The thing is, once you start college so much stuff that was cool becomes uncool, ugly becomes handsome, etc. You’d be amazed.

Being a sociopath would be helpful. – yeah. No shit. Go straight into banking and screw poor people until you are rich. I was hoping my son really would turn out to be a sociopath, but no such luck.

even relatives know something is wrong with me. – well, so far your family sounds pretty gimpy, so I wouldn’t put too much stock in that assessment.

For the time being, I’ll just be listening to music and looking for a purpose – that’s pretty normal. Compared to the average depressed SP visitor, you aren’t down on yourself as most, and you definitely sound less angst-ridden. You didn’t mention an estranged GF or a gaping hole in your heart where one should go.

I’d say that the thing you could do that would be the most diverting would be to find some friends that are about your level of disgust with the world. People that feel minimalized like you because of not being the “in” crowd. Minorities, gender questing people, Republicans that DO believe in global warming, hand and foot models, artists, playwrights, accordion players, etc…

There are some people on SP that are like that and you may want to talk to them. Also read other’s posts. Their are some amazing stories here, both good and bad.

You may not be impressed by any of this. If so, I apologize for wasting your time. I’m just throwing out food for thought and sometimes it already has maggots in it.