My birthday is tomorrow the 30th. I’ll be too busy at work to enjoy it. Not that I could because I’m all alone in the world. I thought my roommates were going to make me a cake but they didn’t. I only had dream guy over for Thanksgiving dinner and then by chance, he stayed over Friday night and left Saturday. I have to say though that I feel it was wrong to rant about him so much, he’s not a bad guy. I’m just the only person on earth he can’t possibly be attracted to. I wouldn’t be 38 and alone in the world if I weren’t the ugliest person alive. I wouldn’t be poor and struggling if I looked decently human either. I have nothing and no one. I didn’t even follow through on killing myself before this day. I’ve felt horribly alone since dream guy left. He let me kiss him on the cheek and he kissed me on the cheek. It was all just a split second, but his touch is godly. He thinks it’s so easy for me to fall for someone else, but love is far more intense to me than what people in this world understand. Chicago is even worse because everyone here has open relationships and many boyfriends/girlfriends at once. No one believes in one on one anymore. I can barely survive financially. I can’t get a full time regular job. I’m disabled and crippled by pain. I’m just such a failure and a waste of oxygen. Too ugly for anyone, and useless to everyone. All but one of my friends from high school are homeless too. How did it end up so shitty? Most 38-40 year olds live in a HOUSE and are married. I wish I didn’t exist.
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14 comments
I’m sorry you’re in this situation. I had my birthday recently and I spent it completely alone doing nothing. I didn’t see a point of going out and treating myself to a nice meal or something when I’d just be on my own anyway and spending money I didn’t have. Yeah, it sucked, but most of my birthdays have over the past few years. Just another day (although perhaps my prime time for feeling sorry for myself, ha).
When was your birthday? I just feel like such a failure and that if I were worth anything, that I’d be married and living in a house like normal people.
A few days ago. Christmas is about a month after my birthday.
I am sorry for your misfortune, people tell me that “we can’t have everything in life” but we as biological puppets in this material universe can have an impact in the life of the living, never on the grand scheme of life, or rather beyond there.
How about you and your friends move all together ? Or maybe wander off. Maybe get your stuff together and leave town or country.
I don’T stop you from your decision, but if you choose death, some will be sad, some happy, some indifferent, but with time going on, “you” as a person will die, the only thing “alive” will be your atoms(who are not alive) fertilizing the soil you’re buried in. You have the power to end it and to choose. You have the choice to tell yourself “I don’t want to deal with this anymore” if you see no future, very well, I can’t see from your perspective.
Keep up if you wanna live until you die, do it like me.
Me and my old high school friends don’t have a pot to piss in. I’m the only one working and you see how little I make and how unstable my jobs are.
I apologize I feel I can relate though I’ve tried finding love only to be turned down because I have hideous scars and am not in the best shape I know you might not care but I went through my birthday alone and not one person said happy birthday so happy birthday I hope you find a way to get hammered or whatever you might enjoy
Sorry you went through it. I really don’t judge guys at all and if I sound shallow ever the reality is I accept everyone.
Happy Birthday dude! 🙂
thanks 🙂
Happy birthday, disgusting! As much as you loathe yourself I think it’s an act of self love to come to SP and post that your birthday is coming. You deserve happiness and good birthday wishes just like the rest of us.
What you do or do not have in your life at age X is immaterial. I’m sure there are scads of people in Somalia that have a nice home but no drinking water. There are Syrian refugees that have sexy boyfriends but no nice house because it was shelled. Rich American banks with no summer house on a lake. It’s all a matter of perspective.
Once again, happy birthday.
yeah… but still, I’m too old to be with nothing, when all I ever wanted from the start was a normal life.
and thank you
Happy birthday. 🙂 I know your life isn’t how you want it, but I hope this year brings some relief from the feeling of being alone, and new sources of happiness. You aren’t too ugly or useless for anyone. I hope you find some new people in your life this year.
thank you. I know I’m too ugly. but, that’s how it is.