i just was surfing YouTube and came across this . This just made me cry my eyes out and I really don’t even know why. I think I can’t relate my story and life to hers . I wasn’t in foster care and my parents didn’t beat me , but I was alone . My dad took me away from my mom when I was young because she was an addict . I remember when I would visit her I would find spoons and needles and pills all over the house . She was killing her self with these drugs. I saw what was once my beautiful mother slowly turning into nothing . I saw this at such a young age . I knew way more than most kids my age , which is why I grew up so quickly. I never had a mom. I had a dad , but he never really talked to me. I’ve been alone since I was a child. I always played by my self . I only trusted my self. I wanted to be loved . I still do . I wish I had a mom so I could cry in her arms and tell me it’s alright , but instead I lay in my bed and cry silently so no one can hear me . I’m so ashamed of my life and my past . Even my present . My past is something I can never let go of or get over. I really hate when people tell me life has great things to offer me and that some day things will be alright . It will never be alright . The things I’ve seen, no person should see. It’s fucked my head up. I wish I had a normal child’s life … Where a mother teachers her how to ride a bike, takes her to dance classes, bakes cakes with eachother. I did none of this . I remember calling 911 when I was 5 because my mom caught the kitchen on fire because she was so out of it. When she died no one really told me about her or her life . I have no pictures . I don’t even know who she was . I don’t know what my dad is like . I live with him but I don’t know him . My life is so sad . I wish I could plug my brain into all of yours and show you the pain and sadness I feel every waking moment of my life .
I can never change what happened. This will be with me forever . And forever seems to long…
I want to die so badly. I want to be a asleep forever. Sometimes this pain feels like it will be eternity . And my thoughts never stop. I don’t know how I’ll live through this . I find my self becoming worse every day. I’m so afraid to die though . I don’t find any reason to why I should still be here . I don’t have friends really , no one loves me . I’m so alone through all of this.
I always have flashbacks of my past . I feel like my depression has erased some but I remember most. It makes me angry.
I feel like I have a pathetic life. I’m always embarrassed to talk about it to others . People think I’m troubled. I’m not a bad person. I am smart and go to school. I’m just sad . Sad is not even a good word to describe how I feel…
Today is so horrible .