I messed up. I messed up big time. I’m ready to end it. My girlfriend is freaking out and I’ve already said my goodbyes. All I have left to do is get my last few smokes in and then do it either by knife or taking as many pills as I can. I’ve lived way too long already. My grandfather died because I didnt call fast enough. I did something horrible to my cousin. I’ve hurt everyone around me. It would be better if I was gone. But I’m scared. I’m scared of pain. I was looking up ways of how to do it and I saw this website. It seems like you guys help people.. I dont know whaat to do as of right now. I’m ready to do it i’m just so scared right now. I want to be dead but I’m worried of what it will do to the ones I care about. I know in the end they’ll be happier but I’m so scared of what comes before that all.
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If you’re not ready to end it… well, maybe you might want to talk about it?
@Rav: I’m listening too. Maybe you can talk it through before taking that step.
Thank you so much for answering. I know I’m not ready for this step even though I tried. I told my girlfriend what I did and she forgives me. I still feel that feeling. I at least want to cut. I feel horrible.. I dont know what else to do.
I’d like to think I know what you’re going through. I feel like you do a lot. I want to cut, I want to die, I’ve looked things up too. I believe it’s a comforting feeling to know you’re not alone and that’s what I’m trying to do here. I’ve put so much stress on my girlfriend with my issues and she freaked out just like yours. Don’t do anything. I don’t know what time it is by you but just try and get some sleep or relax. Just breathe a little try to make it out of this stressful period. Yeah you might have low periods like this again maybe tomorrow or next week, but you can get through this one. Just try really hard and move forward you can fix these things. I believe in you
Thank you. I feel a lot better.. everyone is so kind on here. I was very weak but now I feel a little stronger. This was not just a hey I’m gonna kill myself everyone look kind of deal. I was really going to do it and I guess another fear of mine is that people will think I’m fake and I’m not. I’ve tried to kill myself three times before and I’ve cut a lot more than I’m proud of. I’m on meds to help with some of it but they dont help all the time. But I did get some help. You guys helped. I started crying reading all of these comments. I wish all of you luck and happiness also. I just wish there was a world where everyone was happy and didnt have to deal with all of this. Thank you so much.
There is absolutely nothing face about this pouring out of emotions tonight. I am happy we helped you get over this hump but please keep talking to us if you want to. SP isn’t going anywhere.
@raven: can you give us a little back story on the events leading up to this? It sounds like you might have had some specific things occur leading into this state of mind.
Well i dont know where to start really.. When I was younger I was molested and my father treated me poorly. I was told I have ptsd, anxiety, and depression. I grew up scared of men and everything. I thought I was bi and my father went off and everything. He used to spank me and showed me that every action has punishment. I now use cutting as punishment. I’ve been molested more as I grew up and that messsed me up more. This weekend I cheated on my girlfriend.. I finally told her.. We were fighting and I was weak and on medication.. I feel so bad for what I did and I was going to end it because of my guilt. I told her.. We talked about it.. Things feel like it’s okay.. But that’s my history
That’s some pretty significant stuff, no wonder you are at the end of your rope. Have you talked to someone about the molestation? It can do some damaging things to the mind and body.
im not telling you what to do but ive tried it once an i was Lucy i guess someone pulled me away from the highway but if i did i wouldnt be able to write thhis an tell you my story an the fact that more people care about you then you think…P.S. when ready do it sober not on anything
I have tried therapy but it didnt work. It’s still a deep fear of mine. The ptsd messes with me randomly. It attacks when I’m at my highest. But I have a little bit of hope that things will be okay. After last night I am feeling a lot better. I have more hope for different things but I kind of feel like trash physically I guess it’s from all of the crying.