Today was horrible. Let’s start of by saying I met up with a old friend and we smoked a couple bowls and I got really stoned . I stopped smoking because it turned into paranoia. I would just get really anxious and my heart would start racing . I had compulsive thoughts and so much more . And that’s exactly what happened to me today . I thought it would be different . I felt so awkward with her . I have no friends so I thought this would be a good day . Then I ate a lot of food because I was anxious and high . Then I proceeded to feel really shitty about myself . So it was a spiral of events . I feel like I’m afraid to be around people . Like they are all staring at me and judging me. It makes me freak out . And smoking made it 100x times worse . I think I have a lot more wrong with me other than depression . I want to turn it off .
Also , I felt really suicidal today when I got home . I really wanted to kill myself. I always have this feeling that I’m not going to live past 21. Ever since I was a kid I’ve felt like this .
Man I really wish I didn’t feel all of this . I wish my life was different . Maybe this is hell .
12 comments
You seemed really pretty ok the last couple days. I looked forward to your positive posts. I hope you can get through this. Now u know for sure not to smoke. Since it adds to your anxiety. But why do u always feel like you wont make it past 21? You can change your thoughts on that too.
I just never could see my self finding love, a career, or any of that. I always felt like something was missing ever since i was a child. That’s just my theory. Who knows, i could live to be 118. Haha
I think you may have smoked some bad bud I smoke a lot and I’ve only felt paranoid when the stuff was bad normally it helps with anxiety and you shouldn’t worry too much about people judging you I have cuts and I’m fucking tired of being told to cover them up people judge me by them but I’m quite different than they think and I strive to prove so don’t let others thoughts stifle who you are
I’ve smoked some bad weed and i know what you mean. This girl had some good shit. I just think it doesn’t mix well with me. I used to love getting high when i was younger. Idk what changed!
I enjoy weed and I would honestly say (humor me here) maybe it was the environment cause when I’m alone its fine and I have fun if I go out and do it the experience varies because when you’re alone you can do shit like leave your phone in the freezer and laugh about it because you’re stoned
Stay away from the weed please. I’m going to confirm that it made me paranoid too. My boyfriend’s friends would be having a good time and laughing on it and apparently I would be in a corner looking scared and not talking. I’ve tried it a few times I guess to “be sure” and every single time I’ve been paranoid and had a bad time. One night all I did was sit up and reflect on every little thing I hate about myself and it made me feel even more suicidal than usual, it was like psychosis.
Just accept weed doesn’t work well with your type of brain and walk away. Now.
That’s exactly how i get!!! I start thinking about things i say or do. Or why i dress the way i do. The list goes on and on…
I should have said my “ex” boyfriend’s friends since that’s been over. Fuck him.
That does indeed sound like bad (or just not right for you) weed. A close friend i had a few years ago smoked a lot, and we could always notice when he had a particular “type” of weed due to his erratic/paranoia-like behavior. Funniest thing is that he knew but still kept using it, lol.
And well, you could always turn your life around before 21. When i was a kid i said i wouldn’t live past 30-35, but that changed along my 20s into “if i have a good reason i’ll hang on”. 2 years to go.
I think it all changed on me after I tried some psychedelic. I don’t know. I used to just remember being so high and happy. I would eat like crazy and i feel like it magically disappeared because i never gained any weight. I would smoke a gram of weed to my self every day. Sometimes i thought i was hallucinating mildly. But i dont like it now. Ill just stick to beer lol
You said it exactly right. Smoking pot can make it 100x worse. I like the high weed gives me but I can’t smoke it because it makes me paranoid as hell as well as the other things you mentioned. It makes you think people are staring at you and it can just make you really unsociable. If you didn’t smoke the weed it probably wouldn’t have been nearly as bad a day. The good thing about it is now you know you can’t do it because it doesn’t work for you.
Try and do things that do work for you like going to the beach or being around Nature. I’ve been reading up on these beings called gnomes that a lot of people don’t believe in but some people do believe they’re real. People who believe they’re real believe that they purposely stay away from humans because we’re too violent and they don’t feel safe around us. I’ve been reading about them all day and I can kind of feel their energy around me. I tell them you don’t have to be afraid of me because I’d rather hang out with you guys than most humans I know.
Supposedly as humans change they’re going to make themselves known to us. Anyway that’s what I believe and I feel better because I spent my day focusing on Nature type things and Nature is relaxing, so try and do things that you know will make you feel better and stay away from the stuff you know will make you feel worse.
Me and weed do not get along either. I hallucinate and become paranoid. I also get tracers. Nope, I do not go anywhere near it. Nicole, just steer clear of it if you get a bad reaction from it. Unfortunately there is a small segment of us that pot just disagrees with.