I’m a 22 and a senior in college. I have nothing to look forward to in the future. All of my friends have their planes ahead of them, me not so much. I have aspergers. (form of autism) and I don’t think my friends realize that. For example I literally feel like I’m a failure and I will be for the rest of my life. These past two months have been hard. Just recently my friend actually best friend had a confrontation. I hate confrontations because its just usually bashing me and everything I have done. Like they are graduating and I’m not and from a aspergers person its hard to show emotion and they had the courage to say that I was jealous because they were graduating. To be clear that is not at all true and it was hard because they also told me to grow up and to just be happy. I’m sorry but that cannot happen overnight. This is a second depression relapse that happened. And every time we have one of those confrontations they have to bring up the past, and to say that other people have it worse than I do. I know they do, and that is why I want to be gone, gone forever. Not that anyone would really care, I’m not really much a nobody.
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6 comments
kmh2193,
“I literally feel like Iām a failure and I will be for the rest of my life.”
feelings are not reliable i knew someone once that thought him was constipated then shit his pants!
we are all nobody’s one this planet.
just do you best and forget the rest. š
Your friend is wrong for saying people have it worse. Yes, people may have it worse than others but that doesn’t make your problems and feelings less important. I don’t think you need people like that in your life because they can make you feel terrible about yourself and their toxic too. And bringing up the past? Why? They don’t need to bring up those memories. I know how you feel. You should talk to someone, anyone but those friends of yours. You can even talk to me.I hope you feel better.
I’m sorry that you are feeling so bad and that you are not graduating. Some things about your post surprise me:
1) You are a senior at college and yet feel like a failure. You must have done a lot right to get all the way to being a senior in college.
2) Your friend says you need to grow up when they are actually being very immature and not recognising your suffering or difficulties at all.
The fact that others have it worse means nothing when you are under so much stress in a difficult situation with aspergers and depression. Your feelings are valid. You can redo the last year (probably?) or decide not to (and do it later in life). It doesn’t make you a failure at all. It is definitely not worth killing yourself over. Life with aspergers isn’t impossible, just more difficult and complicated. Please give yourself a break and stop thinking of life in terms of absolute success or absolute failure. There are much better options than suicide. Probably the aspergers is making things seem so black and white but things are not really that way, life is not that way.
Be nice to yourself.
You have a medical condition and your friends are being insensitive clods.
Have you considered telling them?
Have you ever had Occupational Therapy? For people on the Autistic Spectrum, life can be lonely and isolating. It may help you learn how to show appropriate feeling and allow you to appropriately reflect on your life. My son has Aspergers and he is now doing well since he work with him daily on recognizing his feeling and others around him.
I graduated college at 29 with a 14 month old baby. I attended college pregnant as well. It took me 10 years, three schools, four separate tries and changing majors one time to finish. It is never too late there isn’t an expiration date of graduating college.
It sounds to me like you’re not the problem here.
Only people who do not understand mental illness or human emotion at all would tell somebody going through something to “grow up and be happy”. It’s ignorant.
I’m sure your friends are fine, but it doesn’t sound like they respect you, and you know what? Who needs them!
They’re graduating; sure, keep in touch but also use this opportunity as a fresh start. Don’t let other people get you down, I’m sure you’re a great person.
Best of luck!