I made some changes in my life. I wasn’t happy at my job, so I quit. I’ll need another job eventually, (I’m considering going back to school this fall, even) but for now I’m a house husband, blogger, working on some cosplay (because I wanted to grow up to be an Imagineer), preparing my first novel for self-pub via Amazon, and working on a second novel.
Life isn’t perfect.
Eventually savings […]
I’m a 22 and a senior in college. I have nothing to look forward to in the future. All of my friends have their planes ahead of them, me not so much. I have aspergers. (form of autism) and I don’t think my friends realize that. For example I literally feel like I’m a failure and I will be for the rest of my life. These past two months have been hard. Just recently my friend actually best friend had a confrontation. I hate confrontations because its just usually bashing me and everything I have done. Like they are graduating and I’m not and from […]
I’m 30 now and still can’t Forget my father spanking me, pointing the gun to my mom’s head. My older brother and sister hitting me and hurting me, and other kids making fun of me at school. They hurt me so many times and then they ran away soon and I had to grow up as an only son. I cannot forget that I could not sleep quietly because he threatened so many times of starting a fire on our house and on me and my mom in the Middle of the night and Kill us both and himself right after. I can’t just erase […]
I just heard this song for the first time in such a long time . It makes me sad . It reminds me so much of my mom. And I really wish she was here to of help me grow up and see my life and just be here with me . She’s gone forever . But this song also reminded me of the happiest time of my life when I was 15. This was my favorite song . I went to a Pink Floyd tribute concert the day after Christmas with all my friends and I was just so happy and carefree . Triggered […]
my girlfriend and i decided a while ago to have a kid and eventually got pregnant. everything was fine until lately, when she got to the eighth month. she is now starting the ninth. see, both me and her suffer from mental illnesses, and in her case, she felt as if the embryo was protecting her, and so her illness disappeared, even if for a while. knowing she is gonna deliver soon, her illness is back. it was enough when both of us dealt with our difficulties before, but with a baby on our hands, that seems almost impossible. at least, that’s how things look […]
Why is he still with me.. He said he doesn’t have fun.. That I need to grow up.. That I’m going no where in life… If he thinks all this how can he love me and how can he stay with me..
This all makes me wonder if I can’t even make the love of my life happy.. How am I ever gonna be happy?
Just wish that people would give me space
Just wish my parents would leave me alone
Just wish I could grow up and leave
Just wish that i was smarter, prettier, more athletic
Just wish that everything would end
Just wish that I wasn’t born
Just wish that I didn’t feel this way
So I guess on this post ill tell you about something that has been wrong me for years. I was diagnosed with cancer at age 7, for about two years I was on radiation and it was hell. I puked alot, I stunted my growth, made me really skinny, and I’m small in body size and it stopped me from doing things I wanted to do. I got picked on for having cancer through my life up until now (18yrs)
Each time I think of it an how it affected me makes me cry so much because I wish I was normal. It’s even hard […]
Everyday I feel like killing myself a little more.
I keep my emotions bottled up now, biting my lip until I draw blood when I want to show emotion. It kills me inside to know that I’m getting closer to my death.
Honestly, the only reason I haven’t killed myself yet, is because of my friends on Quotev, music and because I would never leave my sister in all of this misery we go through.
I wish I had grown up differently, seen things differently, learned things differently. Though here I am.
If you think about it, it’s kind of funny. It’s funny how when we were little, we […]
Been a long week at work. I don’t want to get into it and still have 39 days until I can see a doctor and start getting help. Who wants to play a game I made up to help me through the hard times?
It’s called “Have To/Get To” and you list one thing you will never HAVE to do again if you kill yourself, but then you list two things you will never GET to do again once you’re dead. I don’t know why, but it helps me so I figured I would share with you guys.
Here’s mine:
I will never have to be laughed at by […]
I want to die
I want the death of;
The way my partner doesn’t see me anymore.
The horrible feelings I get when my partner is cold hearted and doesn’t want or return my affections.
Loving somebody who always wants to break my family.
Feeling abandoned and lonely because my partner will gladly never see me again.
Feeling sadness for my kids because they will grow up not knowing me how I thought they would. Being a part time dad changes the way you interact forever.
The way my partner sees me now.
The first time i was raped i was seven. i didn’t grow up with a father figure around, and i guess wasn’t shown love so i honestly thought that this was how somepne showed you they love you. I’ve been raped three times sinse then. By ‘friends’ that i obviously trusted to much, by my uncke.. all my life I’ve been classified by numbers whether it be how much my hospital bill was, what grades I’m getting or how much i weigh. a few weeks ago i was shown that I’m worth $50 cause that’s how much someone paid to rape me. I’m so […]
It was February 20, 2014. Everything was all setup, rope (was seemingly) tight. The chair. The knots were okay. Put the noose over my head… tightened it. Kicking that chair was the hardest thing that I had to do. The feeling was so liberating, I was finally going to be free… one less person for the world to think of. I remember struggling at first, trying to pull myself up, trying to breathe but can’t. It’s not a bright light like they say… it was all just pitch black and quiet. I was at peace in that darkness, I wanted to stay there forever. I […]
i’m 17, in high school. The doctors
told me i have depression but i still don’t believe its real. It’s unbearable sometimes. Humans have glass hearts meaning we are so easily emotionally crippled. I just ripped two of my stitches out ( I DONT […]
Does anyone else remember when they were about three years old and you would say “no, I don’t need that, I’m a big girl/boy”? I do. What made being “a big girl/boy” so desirable? It’s kind of weird thinking about myself as a child, how innocent and pure I was back then. I never would’ve guessed myself to be nearing the end of my teenage years and already wanting to end it, which doesn’t really surprise me to be honest, I hardly ever finish anything I start. It’s just so crazy to think, when I was a child I wanted to grow up, be a […]
Change is the one thing constant.
Do not depend on humans. Do not trust humans. We are all capable of manipulation of words. Nope nope.
Steel your heart. Steel your soul. Let no one come near. You’re on your own kid.
Build up walls, like others have. Be independent. No one is as foolish as you. It’s a eat-or-be-eaten world. No one will trust you the way you blindly do.
Curl up and put your defenses well. Grow up and protect yourself. Stop allowing others, be it friends or family, to hurt you like that.
Protect. Hide. Move on.
You have chosen selectively. Cause everything in life is by your own […]
when I was younger all I wanted to do was grow up, now I just wish I was 5 when life was easy and carefree. Growing up sucks, period.
you can never fully be happy in life. for most, we’re born with the bad things in life. some of us grow up without a mother or father, of both. some of us grow up in the terrible parts of the world. without a home, without a family, without clothes, food, an education. some of us just grow up different. these terrible things are what tell us to be appreciative of what we have.. to not be sorry for ourselves and how we feel. I grew up with a family, a roof over my head, food on the table, a mother, father, in a good […]
I don’t want to kill myself..I want to live my life and be happy. I’m trying so hard to hold it together but I’m fucking it all up. I have so much to live for it shouldn’t be this fucking hard to stand confident.
I finally met this beautiful girl that likes me and wants to spend time and she’s already catching on to my depression. I’ve shown enough good parts of myself to make her see I’m a great guy but I literally can’t control the way I feel when I’m all alone. I’m fucking this all up. No, No this can’t be me..it […]
I’m tired of being ignored, If I offed myself tommorow no one would care. Life would go on and I would be dead. My friend’s would grow up get jobs start family’s , while I would rot underground. But my soul already rots above ground. The pain of everyday is overwhelming. And more I think of my death. I hope it’ll come soon I want to be remembered though famous or infamous so I am no longer ignored. The one girl I love is trying to kill herself and I can’t save her. Because I’m in the background ignored.
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