I feel bad for telling people how I feel . Most say that I am too much , and that they cannot handle it .
God I wish I just had someone to sit with me and that would let me lay in their lap and cry .
I can’t even talk about my suicidal thoughts and it kills me .
I wish I could leave this life, I just want to see things more beautifully .
I want to wake up and see the sun and trees and birds outside and feel happy to be alive . I’d rather sleep , and that’s all the energy I have to do . I’ve been really trying to help myself on my own lately , but it’s not enough.
There’s literally absolutely no point in any of this . And I really don’t know why I seem to care anymore.
I wish I could feel enlightened . Happy. Proud . I want to laugh.
I really hate that i feel emotion way more than most people . The other day I was watering a plant and I cried . I don’t know why but I felt something . It sounds so stupid . I never go around anyone or anything anymore so just watering the plant felt good and beautiful.
5 comments
That last sentence… hit me right in the feels. Very beautiful.
Also, I know it’s a curse, but it’s also a blessing to feel strongly. Don’t let people harm you over it.
I’ve always felt like I should be more detached, cool, tough, whatever. I even took medication to be that way. Now I miss my sensitivity and I wonder if I can ever get it back.
You probably feel beauty a lot more than others do.
Hug
Ah this makes me so sad. Thank you for sharing. I was listening to to this when I read this. I’m sharing it with you. Satie: walze. youtube.com/watch?v=z4GlwTxcxB4
I have a feeling I may not have a musical suggestion for you, but I do have this. We’re here for you, we’re not necessarily to help or save you, but we do listen and we always will. You’re not alone in this
Heh, i guess that “having someone that i can cry with” is pretty much the best gift you could give in the holiday seasons. I’m pretty sure that his song’s lyrics have nothing to do with what you wrote (maybe a bit on the wanting someone to understand part… kinda, but not quite), but i was listening to it when reading and… yeah, that hit hard: youtube.com/watch?v=drTSMBVF9i4
Not that i’m particularly proud to reveal this, but today i had to contain myself from breaking down when someone i’m trying to distance from gave me a small box of chocolates (tiny box). For her it meant nothing, for me tho? … yeah, i guess i relate to the “not wanting to feel this much” thing. Good thing about a plant is that it’ll never use you or mislead you.
I guess i’m getting a plant tomorrow.