I’m not sure I can do this

So I moved back home today. And I’m laying here, crying, because I really don’t want to be here. All I do is hide here. I don’t talk here and I can’t be myself here. And tonight, I went to my old high schools band holiday party and the one person I can talk to was suppose to be there. And I was suppose to see them and they were suppose to tell me it is going to be ok. But he’s not in the state. And no one told me. And I’ve been looking forward to seeing him all week. And I can’t do this. He was suppose to tell me it’s ok. Because it’s not. I’m trapped in hell again. And I can’t do this. I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t. I want to text him, but I don’t want to intrude on his life. I have no claim in his life. Im not related to him, im not even really his friend. But I know he can make me feel better. I just need to see him. Or talk to him. But I don’t want to because I don’t want to put my problems on him.