It’s been 9months since my husband took his life. I’m broken, shattered, unable to move on. I go through the motions of living but I still feel it was yesterday when I found him lifeless. I think about leaving everyday. I am hopeless and helpless, I have no one to talk to or anybody that can understand how this feels. Maybe today is the day I need to leave this realm…
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forever2004,
WOOOOO HOOOO! What a situation to deal with!!! my heart truly goes out to you!!!
forever2004 lets take a break here for one minute!
To everyone on here! can you see what happens when you take your life how it effects others! this is the real enchilada here this poor soul has to deal with this! think about it!
OK back to forever2004 there is no way i can make you feel better or even say i know how you feel, but please turn yourself around were hear to listen everyday!
how old are you? if you don’t mind me asking.
True, nobody really knows what happens to the left behind when someone commits suicide. I do. We, suicide survivors go through hell. We do not know why, we were not given the choice to say goodbye or an explanation, we were not given the choice to help if we could, we were not given the choice to change if we needed to, we were not given the choice if we had to love more, we were not given the choice to hold the one if we needed to hold them more, we were not given a choice at all. The suicide victim made those choices for us. And we the survivors have to live with it, in some cases for the rest of our lives if there is support. No Im not a 20 something in fact Im well in my 40’s and have 2 children who live away from home. Unfortunately they at their age cannot fathom the pain or what this journey is about.
Hope I can share some of my last thoughts here. Suicide grief is no joking matter especially when you are alone in this world. Maybe you all have some family or friends or who knows, hope you do, and if you don’t, turn to friends or someone, hold them close very close.
I am very sorry that you are going through such an extremely difficult time. My thoughts and well wishes go out to you. Thank you for making the stop fo suicideproject.org. There is a site specifically dedicated to bereavements such as yours: http://www.allianceofhope.org <– By all means, do check it out and I hope it is much help and comfort for you, as you find your new self in such an EXTREMELY painful time. My condolences.
Thank you. I do visit the Alliance of Hope at no avail. Thanks for the suggestion.
(The original was awaiting mod., so I thought, what the frick! Why?) Here it is again: I am very sorry that you are going through such an extremely difficult time. My thoughts and well wishes go out to you. Thank you for making the stop fo suicideproject.org. There is a site specifically dedicated to bereavements such as yours: http://www.allianceofhope.org <– By all means, do check it out and I hope it is much help and comfort for you, as you find your new self in such an EXTREMELY painful time. My condolences.
(Third time!) Here it is again: I am very sorry that you are going through such an extremely difficult time. My thoughts and well wishes go out to you. Thank you for making the stop fo suicideproject.org. There is a site specifically dedicated to bereavements such as yours: allianceofhope.org <– By all means, do check it out and I hope it is much help and comfort for you, as you find your new self in such an EXTREMELY painful time. My condolences.
The feelings of grief and despair aren’t always separate or clear. Sometimes a person wants to die because of the ongoing pain suffered after the death of a loved one.
A ‘suicide loss survivors’ website is a good tool, but doesn’t always provide help and comfort when one becomes suicidal in the aftermath of suicide loss.
I’m giving that person more tools. I’m not saying they can’t hang around here. That allianceofhope site actually has resources for people who are feeling suicidal after a loved one’s.
Not really. Most people have someone around and live with family. I havent read any post yet where someone is completely alone. Some sites cannot offer any support at all.
Today is not the day you should leave this realm. As hard as it is, begin walking forward. Your husband loves you but couldn’t bare being in this world. He wants you to find happiness. I’m so sorry this happened?
That is really sweet. Thank you. But I have to be real, mu husband is dead, he took his life, and the implications and repercussions of that are immense. We survivors blame ourselves, we are the ones that didnt get to them when they needed us, but we didnt know. The guilt after is debilitating and agonizing. Like him I cannot bear to be in this world either…that was his legacy to me.
There was nothing you could have done or said to stop him. Some people are just determined to leave, and we have to let them.
Hazy Day Sunflower! You are wonderful 🙂
I wish I would have had at least a sign…. maybe I could have helped….just maybe…
@forever: How are you doing today?
Im so sorry for your loss. Please dont leave yet. I can’t imagine how you feel but please keep trying you don’t want to give that feeling to anyone else and you dont deserve to die.
Thank you but I dont have anybody. Fair to say nobody will miss me.
forever2004 – I do know how you feel. Suffering suicide loss, and then wanting to die by suicide can be intertwined.
I have grieved the agonizing pain of my son’s suicide 6 years ago, as well as the distressing feelings of my father’s suicide 33 years ago.
I understand being “broken, shattered, unable to move on, hopeless and helpless”. The pain is excruciating, raw, and searing. It’s quite amazing that this agony can be so horrible and so deep.
I, too, think about leaving this realm. Hence, my name StayOrGo.
Because of other’s insensitivity and lack of caring, I have isolated myself and alienated just about everyone. When I leave, nobody will *really* care. Most won’t even know I’m gone.
I found SP a few months ago. I’ve mostly lurked. I’m trying to get a sense of the distraught nature of those contemplating suicide and/or grieving suicide.
No matter what the circumstances, taking your own life is a fact. It can be a situation, a lost one to suicide, a break up, or anything else…the pain like you said is raw. Sorry to hear about the loss of your son…though i can empathize somehow I cant imagine the pain you endured. I can’t imagine losing one of my sons..though distant…still can’t imagine. THough the loss of my husband has been the most painful experience I had experienced and it is unbearable. I tried to go through the motions of living everyday, but I find myself in this tunnel, this abyss where you cannot pull yourself out of….I guess that is what he-my husband-went through, dunno…but I can find myself in that same despair, maybe he wanted the same for me, I now believe that. It is hard to come home everyday to nothing, nothing at all, but a bottle of wine and silence, complete deafening silence. I sold everything and left our home. I bought a new small townhouse where I am now, but it feels like I never left that day when I found him. No, suicide grief is still as painful as any other suicide ideation or thought. Many times we feel that life should be over because the girlfriend or boyfriend dumped you, or because one does not look like someone else, or whatever the situation but when you invested everything your life, your air, your heart, your soul and have no reasons for it to end and it does, your life is taken away from you. That is where I am. I had everything anyone could have wanted, and it was all taken away from me, my heart was ripped apart completely, and I cannot put it back together again.
I have been -like yourself- looking around resources and sites to help me. I dont have support groups around my area, no one and nobody. In fact, friends are rare these days. too much to handle you see. No one wants to spend time with anyone in pain especially when it is a broken heart.
I’m sorry for your loss and very sorry to hear your feeling so low. I can only second what’s been said previously and offer blind optimism that time will help, but its a long, slow process. And I appreciate its very easy for me to say that, not being in your shoes 🙁
Stay strong 🙂 x