Hi folks.
Well today ive tried to go for some shopping, looks like i need to buy a suit (new year party thingy), oh sweet, like i said i tried, i went to some shopping, but its so messy, so many people.. I had to give up, it took all my strengh. Than ive tried to go get a coffee in midle of town you know, just wanted to get it and to go near the river to sit in there and cry, yes because this try , sucked all i had, and again, people and traffic everywhere, gave up again.
Here i AM, tired, confused, near to give up on whats left , if theres something left because i cant see, alone, no strengh
Im here at some place parked, this is sad and dark, it never ends.
Never asked that much in life, mybe death would be best christmss gift i could have, i just want peace, i want nothing. Just to stop existing.
I lived enough. Im good to go, i had a chance, i just failed, no man enough. Its okay, i can go Thank you.
15 comments
I’m sorry you are in this state Allitends. The day after Christmas is never a day to leave the house, much less try to shop in any fashion. You need to buy a suit for a NYE party? Can I go? I haven’t gotten to put on any of the formal dresses I own in years, much less go to a grown up party that doesn’t include football jerseys.
Still, my heart goes out to you. Is the river pretty? Couldn’t you just go list by the river and regroup without coffee?
blehh i used to stay at home with my ex, but now i cant… but to tell you the truth i really dont want to go anywhere, im to broke to go parties, i dont even like parties, to many people and noise.
I wish you could come with me 😀 bc shopping alone is pain in the ass.
Nah river is fine, i just like to go there, and sit there listening music… cry me a river lol
FML
There is are two places here I like to go alone. One is this long hike over and around a river that runs through hill country. I like to go to the river area and walk. People up on the path cant see me, and I feel like a voyeur. The other place is the amazing Japanese garden with koi. I especially like it when it rains, no one is there and I can sneak bread to the koi without getting in trouble. I know I’m not supposed to give them bread. I like to let them nibble on my fingers too, it tickles.
I’m always self conscious when I’m alone, I always feel like like people are looking at me thinking about how sad I’m all alone. Truthfully I can’t really think of anyone I want to walk with, not here anyway. So I just put my cowboy hat on and ignore the world. The woods are amazing. I never tire of wild cactus growing all over the place.
shopping part =I would talk you into doing anything BUY shopping. Such a waste of good company right?
BUT
i used to love go shooping, even for walking and see people with my ex. but now it only gives me anxiety. It just kills me, well i dont mind if i die, but not like this..
Yes, sometimes we got to be alone, i said before, i became a lonely soul, i walk aorund into the big city i cant give you a reason why, but i do it sometimes. It’s like pretending that i still live 🙂
Hi Allitends. I’m really hoping you pull through this. I want to say more, I feel that way too. I want you to try more for yourself.
thx mate. I would give you all my strengh left bc it is worthless on me.
I really need it. But I rather you have the strength to overcome. Because i cant.
well mate, we can join strenghs and sell it than :p
Allitends,
look Allitends would you please take a deep breath smile everything is fine and
“go shopping and buy a suit new year party thingy” please!
change the channel in your head! you can’t enjoy yourself on that channel!!!!! please try 🙂 i’ll do the same deal?
i could fake that easy, if it wasnt about my anxiety. Itsssssss okayyyyyyy fak 2016, since i wished so hard for the 2015, to be a year of revolution, positive things, and it became the worst year in my life, please 2016 end it im good.
Yes Allitends, listen to Rocketman
I will totally share that said strength
Allitends,
Think positive you can do it! anxiety riddles my entire body! but i can control it to a point,facing your fears kills them slowly, every time you do you made a small victory which leads to conquering.
is it uncomfortable? hell yeah but it’s worth it to become comfortable. fight!!!