This time of year

This time of the year is literally so hard. It is hard for me to concentrate. I hate making excuses for myself but I just try to close up this time of year. Daddy has been gone for three years now and it doesn’t get any easier. I miss him so much. There are so many anniversaries this time of year. Nov. 29th, 2012, the day I had to call the cops on my own mother because she tried to fight me in the street. Nov. 30th, 2012, the day my daddy died in my arms. Dec. 8th, 2012, the day I planned, all by myself, to remember my dad. I went back to my church for the first time. Dec. 12th, 2012, my first day back to school and the night I tried to kill myself. The night I put myself in the hospital for twelve days. This makes Christmas Eve so hard because that was the day I got out. I had to readjust to life. I had to know that people looked at me differently. I’m the “disappointment” the “emo kid that tried to kill herself” when in all reality I was just a grieving daddy’s girl who missed her father. I still wish I could die sometimes. I’m in college now and it’s one of the hardest things ever. There is nothing familiar here. I am so secluded. I’m failing most of my classes. I have my last final in forty minutes and I just can’t study. I can’t concentrate. I’m suffering on the inside. I just want to go home to my daddy and him hug me and tell me its all going to be okay. I love him so much…someday this will all be over..