yoooooo

whenever i try to connect with someone i fail. i don’t know why i even try. then i get pissed off, either at the other person, or myself.

people bore me or intimidate me.

either way, i end up questioning myself because i don’t know why i find it so hard to relate to people.

i’m sick of people telling me i should change though.

a psychologist i saw lately told me i need to work on my communication skills, but it’s frustrating because i am who i am. i can try to change for the better, sure, but what if it’s genetic and i’m just legitimately stupid? i can’t do anything about that.

i’ll never be like other normal, functioning people who don’t spend most of their lives hating themselves (even though i’m sure everyone has their own issues). which is fine, i will die one day. i don’t want to commit suicide because well first of all i’m scared i’ll fail, and i figured even if i’m completely miserable, you only live once anyway so you might as well see it through to the end. then when you’re dead, you won’t feel pain.

but yeah rant over. i’m not expecting anyone to read this, i just wanted to vent. my family are sick of hearing about my imaginary problems which is understandable.