This just hit me.
Our worst method of self harm isnt cutting, or burning,
It is self sabotage.
Atleast thats the way with me.
Worst part , i still have that lingering hope.
And the fact that i am sabotaging myself, while still having that little hope, is tougher.
Suicide is tougher cus i still wanna live.
But my motivation for suicide are ever growing,
1. People hate me , and i hate most of them.
2. The ones i do love, dont love me back
3. My parents only love me cus they are biologically engineered to do so
4. Future is bleak and getting bleaker moment by moment
5. The world would be a better place without me
6. The only girl i have loved so darn much said this to me a year back( may’15) ” i hope you go to a corner and die”, seriously considering taking her advice
7. I have hated myself almost everyday since last june
And there are several more but i cant explain them with words
6 comments
i can rely relate to the motives … everyone hates me since i was born and i hate myself since i know myself…i don’t know about methods of self harm … but crying and self hate , in depression episodes and rage episodes , are really helpful for me … how about you ?
Ofc. Crying is good. But cant talk about it to my friends, cus i am a male, and they dont associate tears with dicks.
Also i cut occasionally, and smoke, 6-7 a day if i can.
Depressions word of the day usually.
I dont have rage episodes. I just get angry at myself and suffer.
Off late i have been very busy tho. Like busy enough not to get sad. But during breaks, and at night, yeah, sadness grips me again.
i’m a male too and yeah i think keeping yourself busy can be another method of escaping …
Yup, it’s true that we are our own best enemy, but the idea of it is using it to improve ourselves, not to punish ourselves. I do share most of the points you listed but i do have to say:
3. Not that different than other forms of love. People love us due to mostly biological reasons, or how we make them feel, so maybe that’s not so bad after all. I mean, it’s still someone that loves you, and that’s worst than nothing.
4. To some degree you can change that.
5. Nope. World would be better without the people that make you feel that way, plus justin bieber fans.
6. Girls will say the meanest things when they’re mad at you. Someone that says something so insensitive and ill intended shouldn’t be taken serious, nor loved for that matter.
7. I’m guessing that’s mostly due to 6 (because of the timing) so, read above.
It’s fun because everywhere it seems everywhere i go i listen how hard it is to be a woman and how society puts them up to ridiculous standards. Yet you never hear about how men should be a damn fortress of strength, never show emotion, and keep it together at all times. So… i guess i don’t have an answer, just an “i relate” comment, and “i hope you find a way to improve this” wish. You shouldn’t hate yourself tho, save that hate for those who actually deserve it.
3. Yeah youre right. What i meant was, my parents love me, but dont like me. Gettit?
4. I want to change, but i dont want to change it at the same time. Idk what to do. So i end up doing nothing and making it bleaker.
5. Funny thing, i dont blame that girl or anyone else. Most of my sadness is because i over think and over analyze. I am sad cus of me.
6. She meant it. Trust me on this. And she wasnt mad at that time, calm as fuck, and she said what she meant.
7. Yep, partly.
” i hope you go to a corner and die” Sorry to hear that. I hope you turn this thing around and findbyour true love and not even give that woman a nanosecond of your day.