I can’t just run away from my problems. I want to.. I was looking for an easy out.. A friend’s, a relative’s, maybe even trying to leave on my own and try to make it. But I can’t, I have to do this.. life, the hard way. I have to struggle, I have to fight, but I’m so tired, exhausted. I want to quit, I want more than anything to just leave everything behind, get to things and just go. But I can’t. I’m not stuck, I could do those things and run.. But I can’t. I have to work, claw, crawl, probably cry along the way. But I have to keep trying and fighting and continuously being tired and just keep moving forward. Whether I like it or not. I feel like I have no choice in the matter, but I do, I can always run and leave it all behind. Then I’ll have no one, no family. I will lose even more of myself in the process of reinventing myself but only to a lesser level. I’m not stuck, I can’t go back, just forward no matter how I feel good or bad.
Will I ever get there? Where I want to be? What I desire, dream, hope for. I never really had it before, will I even know what it looks like or feels like. I don’t know.
2 comments
Depending on the circumstances, i’d say it’s better to fight and fail than failing without even trying (by running away), and from what you say that’s what you want to do as well so… good luck i guess? and kudos on doing what you want to do 🙂
Thanks MF. I’m so tired that I want to say more, but can’t even find the words. Thanks for reading and for your thoughts