Idk why, I lived for 20 years and always did what I wanted . The thing is, if after death is nothing,why not go into that nothing?
What could be more awesome than to return into the nothingness we came from.
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I would say i’m a very nihilistic person too. It makes life so much more boring. I hate it.
I believe there is something after this life. I cant prove it but I believe it. I also believe what kind of person we are in this life determines how well or how bad things will be in the afterlife. But to eat his own.
I sometimes feel that too. And that there is a creator.