My best friend. He died. A couple of months ago he just said he’s head was hurting and then next thing you know, he’s in the hospital. Half his brain turned off and he went into coma. Two weeks later doctors told us he would never wake up. He’d been my best friend since I was five. How could he leave? Did he not realize how he would hurt not only me but the other ones that loved him as much as I did? I don’t like trusting anyone. I know thy’ll leave me behind and that will hurt. I just know it. Yet I trusted him. And he left. He promised he’d always be there. But he lied. i hate him! Why? Why can’t at least one person stay there by my side? God, i miss him. At night, I would call him just to hear him tell me someone did loved me. I haven’t heard those words in a damn long time and right now that’s just what I need. The problem? I want to hear them from him. He’s the only person i know would’ve loved me no matter how cold-heart I seemed to be. No matter how many times he would caught me cutting. It didn’t matter, he loved me anyways. God Why does everything hurt so bad? Why can’t I have him by my side right now? Mom called. She asked me to go back. everything was going great… but then he talked into the phone ruining it. How can she still be with him? After all he’s done to us? God i want to die. She doesn’t love me and she never will. How could I be so stupid to think she could actually love more than him. In the end she left just like everyone else has always left. Everyone leaves in the end. i don’t know why I keep trying to think the opposite.
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Well, even if most people will leave eventually (and i’m guessing you’ll leave someone at some point, if you haven’t already), your friend didn’t leave because he wanted to, accidents happen even to good people… hell, at times it seems that they happen specially to good people. I know that doesn’t help your situation, but if he is the person that you describe i’m pretty sure that if he could, he’d still be there. That said, not everyone will leave. Even if it seems like it’ll never happen, some people will stick around eventually.
What you mention about your mom is kinda tricky, because… you know, it’s not that parents don’t love us (FTR both my parents left me at some point), but they’re human as well, they make mistakes too. The fact that she’s the parent and you’re the child makes it all the more difficult, because parents often forget that hey, sometimes they’re wrong and kids are right. It took me years to even partially trust my mom again after she left, and if i learned something out of that is that at some point most parents either realize they’re screwing up and try to make amends, or they just realize that they screwed up so much that there’s no turning back. Again, that doesn’t mean they don’t love you but they’re just human.
I do hope things get better eventually, and i’m sorry that i can’t give better advice, but sadly human relationships are indeed a crapfest most of the times… and we have to go through a million of them to find a good, lasting one, and yup, that includes our parents too.
Oh god damn it your fucking right.
Let’s look at your situation from a different perspective. He’s gone but not because he chose to leave but because it was his time to leave. Imagine how much worse it feels to have someone choose to leave you. I’m sure either way it hurts but it could be worse, it can always be worse. Now another thing he accepted you right? He believed in you even when you didn’t believe in yourself, he saw something in you that you have yet to see in yourself. You can’t just give all that up because that would be a disappointment to him but to yourself. And as for your mother some words of advice, a lot of people in this world are selfish. Just because they are selfish doesn’t mean they don’t love you it’s a kind of love that they express in their own twisted way. With time and through trial and error you learn to distance yourself. I’m sorry if any of this came off as harsh that was not my intention but I have a tendency to be upfront and straight forward.