Well hey im 15 and tonight i told my mum what i’ve thinking for 4 years.. i wanted to disappear. Its not like i want to die or commit suicide, also i just hate the word suicide and people say “commit” suicide, it sounds like its a crime, but its not.
Well so I told my mind that I was just so sick and tired of life and didnt wanted to do anything. I just want to fade away and disappear. And if I do die I want to die by someone else or by an accident. So I don’t have to feel horrible by making my family sad. It wasn’t there fault that I want to disappear, they loved me so much and gave a such an amazing childhood, so I don’t want them to think that I committed suicide cause of them. And if I say I actually have a quite perfect life. Its not that my family is broken nor I’m getting bullied at school, I have quite a lot of friends actually.
But I just feel lonely, even though I’m surrounded by people, I feel lonely and alone. Well its also kind of my fault that I feel loney, its because I never let people come in deeply into my life. I never really told my friends about my problems, I didn’t want them to know that I’m screwed up and broken. I didn’t want them to judge me. But I like it when people tell me about their problems, I like to listen to them and tell them solutions.
Well this is just another pointless paragraph. Thank you if you made it to the end.
3 comments
I can directly connect to this. You summed up my same feelings towards life, word for word. This at least brings me to ease a little, knowing that it isn’t just me to feel this. All I want to do is make others satisfied and happy, but I always feel like I could’ve done more, or maybe been better..
hi friend , nice to meet you .. you know u r brave enough more than me ,i can strongly say 🙂 ….There’s more to life than happiness and suffering. Why people view the world in such a black and white light like that I don’t understand either. You have other emotions too such as jealousy, love, exhilaration, restlessness, or whatever else. Perhaps you can force (yes, you can force change I’d like to think) your depression aside and overindulge in other emotions. Give them a chance to shine rather than depression. And if it gets overwhelming, just switch emotions. Might take practice and might sound hard, but you can do it. Just a consideration I suppose.I know this feeling. Have you tried to make an inquiry about the forgotten events of your life?
then move out of your city to a faraway place with a sheet on your body. Like a proper ghost.