Everyday is there behind me, with a hand on my shoulder. The feeling is sneaky and ugly and dirty. Sometimes it feels like you would clean me, to take my last breath. To get away from the evil feelings that I will never be enough and that nothing I do is good enough.
There’s always a nagging itch.
Before the kids wake… Maybe they won’t miss me. Maybe they’ll be better off. Maybe…
My frontal lobe is torturing me and I’m surrounded by sociopaths.
Is a movie called Pie where the guy drills a hole in his head from this madness, and that crazy need for relief is so familiar…
4 comments
Your kids need you in their lives as support. Losing a parent is never beneficial it just plain sucks, and as having had my father walk out on me when I needed him most. I was only 15 and his departure was a horrible choice on his part because I needed him irregardless of the resentment he had towards me I could have cared less if he would have cussed me out so long as he stayed to help me and my mom out. I couldn’t talk to him because he wasn’t there and my mother was angry at me during the time. I got in so much trouble because I couldn’t talk to him, but enough of that. What i’m trying to say is that your kids need you as a mother/father because they will reach out for you one day and need you by their side. Who cares what society thinks of you because its never going to be there for you when you need them the most, but I can surely say that your children will be there for you in your time of need. Society means nothing, but your kids mean everything to you as you do to them consciously or not all that matters is that you stay by your children’s till the end. Your children need you.
I’m alone, taking care of two kids. I haven’t seen my own mother in three and a half years because she’s too busy being high. As a parent I’ve now realized that she probably let me get into my adulthood with something like adult autism and everybody treats me like a leper. Unfortunately, she’s probably the reason I have it anyway. We have absolutely nobody else in the world
What do you do when you have nowhere to go and no one to help you?
:/