I have a decision to kill myself in the head but at the same time I have people who are trying to help me. They want to add psychoanalyst to my psychologist and psychiatrist. Also I am supposed to have a support person who would meet me I don’t know once a week. I feel like its too much. Too many people putting their nose into my business. And it feels like so much effort for nothing.
I don’t see anything changing my mind. Of course I can’t tell them my real thougths. Or maybe I should. I am hospitalized already… Ah I’ve been thinking what about people who are too depressed to post on SP, even if they come here? I don’t think I am really depressed but I have trouble expressing myself here too. *it was a change of topic I know* It bothers me that whatever I say they still want to help even more.
Ewh… Whatever can’t make this post work. But maybe some of you are also over crowded with helpers.
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I have two doctors, a psychiatrist, a therapist, and a husband. I know they all care very deeply for me, and all want to help. Some days I appreciate it, other days I feel smothered and I can’t stand it.
Your people may be suggesting psychoanalysis because they know you aren’t telling them everything and they’re trying another approach to try and get you to confide in them. I know first-hand how incredibly hard it is opening up to someone to tell them your real thoughts, especially if they are embarrassing or “wrong”. Only my psychiatrist and therapist know the (almost) whole story of why I’m so depressed. And I’ve learned it feels really good to know there is someone you can talk to, to get it off your chest, share your secret, who won’t judge you. Believe me, they’re heard it all.
But make sure you find someone you’re comfortable talking with, and DON’T GIVE UP. I started out with a therapist who was a judgmental little *****. She acted very sympathetic when listening, but then would tell me how I should be ashamed of my feelings and I needed to empower myself more, etc., etc… after every session I would sit in my car and cry and feel WORSE. After 6 sessions with her I quit therapy for several months but (thank god) tried it again with someone else. He’s a good listener and talks WITH me not AT me. It took a month of me talking to the new therapist about what the first therapist said to undo the damage the first therapist caused.
Anyway, my point is you need to take a chance, open up, and KEEP TRYING. Start sharing a little of your REAL stuff with one of the professionals and see how you feel talking with them. Be honest and express yourself as best you can; professionals are used to people who have a hard time expressing themselves. I get so conflicted when talking sometimes, but my therapist helps me talk it through. Give them a few months, and if you’re still not comfortable with them, think about why you’re uncomfortable and ask to see someone else who may be a better fit. For me, I realized I feel more comfortable talking with a man because of the nature of my problems; I need a man’s perspective. Once you find someone you like to talk to I think people will start backing off pushing more people upon you. Good luck!