Sorry for the long whiney post I probably just sounds spoiled
So im now in my husbands aunt and uncles house.laying down and his first cousins bed her room is cute. What would have given to have a room like this while home . i had my own room but it was always undone. and when I was 15 my older cousin took my ipod radio and I didn’t have a TV the time so always in the dark like it like that. I actually got a TV when I was 18 it was a few months before I got married. And i used to stay in there all day. watching Tinkerbell DVDs because I didn’t even have cable but I remember being okay with that – but at the same time i used to take the razor blade from underneath my bed and I would cut myself. and then I used to answer my phone boyfriend and talk and tell him immok just hanging out.
now I’m here in this housenot coming out this room.because his aunt and uncle told me to stay in and dont worry .what happened just over me just wanted to stay in the room and hang out howevere.
when I really know that it’s because they are having their own family problem and they don’t want an outsider knowing what’s really going on . that is also including me their daughter in law is in our room hanging out watching TV.
I haven’t spokento my father in four days and his conversations was about a ultimatum. now if I want to move to Florida he’s going to make sure that doesn’t happen which I don’t really have a problem with I don’t want to live in Florida.
but on the other hand my husband wants to move here.which I can see that happening for My line of work in this state is very hard.
I don’t have a legal job I’m going to what I do . but amount of money I can make in one day is what most people make a yearly. I don’t sell drugs don’t do prostitution.but what I do is definitely not legal but I’m fine with that so I was raised doing it .I’ve been doing what I do since 13 years old.
the people here in this town wich is tampa is buy a car cheap sell it for 500 or 600 profit and no one else dose whit ido but its like a bonus. like you would come home hi honey I made so the car I made 700 profit you like great I just made $1,500 yay and everybody yay that they would be good with it. which is not a bad thing it’s quite nice to have two people working two incomes. knowing what I could do and make you know like a stupid amount in one day is hard to come by and hard. To understand.
I can’t see you and what I do in other states here as it’s literally waiting for someone to come in and basically be like here take this certain amount and fix my life. I wait for my husband to say hey I bought a Hyundai today I’m going to sell it and make up 600 profit yay. I can’t you its something I’m just not accustomed something I can not live with.going back home to Chicago with me and I have a $7,000 over head .there at home I know I have a chance making it every month I don’t think I can make it 2500 overhead here I’ve been here for 4 days and I’ve only made $50 I am actually $10 short for my phone bill.
so I’m basically up in the air I tell my husband I don’t want to stay. specific place here in the next few months he’s going to buy it and we’re going to live here and the fact that my father says he doesn’t want us here. makes him want to stay here .and he is on aegotistical battle with his family and my family he’s mine you know a man he can make his own decisions he doesn’t have to tell everybody what he makes and how it works what’s going on in his house cuss hes a man now.
which I can’t blame him I would want the same thing but fact that it’s the place we both hate both don’t want to be in why here why here when it’s one of the hardest places to do what I do here where I can make like I said stupid amount and the most you can make is maybe 1500.
and another thing i have been feeling so so so unhappy .
my sister is in Orlando.I’ve seen her twice which is a good thing I haven’t seen her in 5 months but the thing is when we all went out and we all went to go hang out I just kept on thinking what am I doing with my life we went to the Disney Store so i saw cutest dish rags.
too bad im homeless and i don’t have a place to put them I don’t have anything I don’t I don’t have family I could talk to right now I don’t want to bother my sister because my mother in law and fucked up her life and I can bring her into this anymore I’ll end up hurting her and lose her.
last time I spoke to my brother he told me he was going to Florida to pick up his wife but I don’t know what happened because that was a week ago.
so I’m sitting here in this bed thinking I’m going to have to go back to his grandparents house and sleep on a couch. for who knows how long. the first time I’ve laid down in the bed in a little bit over a month .
I feel hopeless and lost.
another thing is my mother’s birthday March 16th when I can t remember the last time I spoke to her I don’t know how I’m going to wish her happy birthday without getting or something in my life fucked by her or some sort of lecture how awful my life is and how im abuse
I really don’t have any control over this she probably just want me to come home I don’t think is going to fix anything. I am not afraid to go home leave my husband but I don’t think that’s going to fix anything he already told me if I leave he’s not coming back im not afraid of losing him I really don’t know anymore of what I’m doing is my fault or my in-laws or my parents or if I’m just meant a to be a hard luck child with a lot of problem. Idk