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Do I deserve this?

by Pheonix79

I wonder now and then whether I deserve this family or all the things that I have?

I was always a troubled kid. My parents never knew what was wrong with me. I tried to be like the other kids but I am always a failure. Teachers would tell my parents that they weren’t treating me right and by that they meant that they should put up restrictions. Like they shouldn’t let me waste my time in drawing or reading and force me to focus on studies. Or slap me once in a while over my bad grades. My parents did try that. But that made me worse.

And right now they don’t think about my sadness anymore because getting counselling would mean I’m mad. And that last one is my thought. My mother wouldn’t mind getting counselling for me. I just don’t want to be mad and I feel like I am.

But that just makes me worthless of all that I have. And my parents don’t deserve a dumb girl. They deserve an excel. Someone with a bit more feelings and intelligence.

I feel dumb and useless writing it here. It feels like writing something on a paper and throwing it in the ocean.

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3 comments

Drowning 3/10/2016 - 6:46 am

Don’t feel dumb and useless that’s why the site here to try lighten the load

Pheonix79 3/12/2016 - 2:13 pm

I feel like all this site has done is make the load heavier. There are people here with real life struggles and my only struggle is that I can’t do a thing.

Ira 3/13/2016 - 3:47 pm

Hi Phepnix79. I can relate to your problems. My family has done they’re best to raise me the best I could be but I feel like all I do is let them down…

I just want to say though, take that cousenlling. It’s your decision really and it’s not guaranteed to help, but never really know until you try. You are not mad. I can tell from this post alone that you a very caring girl, that you are very imaginative because you like to draw and read much like I do. But all these expectations and comparing yourself to people you believe are better than you or you believe have much painful suffering, only means you feel lost. It doesn’t make you mad.

If you need someone to talk to, feel free to talk to me.

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